


The long way home

by Shadowsof_thenight



Category: AU - Fandom, Alternate Universe - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: College AU, F/M, light hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-02-07 11:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18620125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsof_thenight/pseuds/Shadowsof_thenight
Summary: An AU about Steve Rogers that takes place in college. When you were kids, Steve was your best friend. Where he was you were and vice versa. So when your father got a new job on the other side of the country your 11 year old heart broken.Over the years you had stayed in contact, though. And now, seven years later, you were off to college and unknowingly you'd applied to the college he had started at last year. You agree to meet on your second day and suddenly it all seemed a little less scary.Will you pick up where you'd left off? Or will everything have changed as much as Steve's appearance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I am proving just how impatient I truly am here. I was planning on posting this story when I had written it all. Instead I am posting this now when the chapters are certainly mapped out but not all fully written. 
> 
> Anyway, I was writing my orignal novel and it was sad so I needed something more light hearted to distract myself with.  
> So here is my new story!

You stood on the balls of your feet and shifted nervously as you glanced around the crowded room. How on earth were you supposed to find him here? When you had agreed to this spot, you'd had no idea what it was. Or how well frequented it appeared to be. When you had agreed to this, you had been in your bedroom. Safe and sound. Everything had been familiar and the unknown seemed exciting. Now everything was new and somehow that tempered the excitement a little.  
With nothing familiar, even your shadow seemed slightly more frightening. Only slightly of course. You sighed deeply as you tried to shake the feeling of dread settling in your stomach. 

It had been nearly seven years since you had last seen him. And while there had been some contact over the years, letters, phone calls, texts, seven years was a long time. It had not been the same as seeing him every day and hanging out with him. It was a lot more difficult to share your deepest darkest secrets over a phone line. That was probably what had caused the nervous feeling that you had woken up with today. If you didn't spot him soon, you feared you might vomit from the stress. Your stomach was clenching and your hands had a slight tremble to them. What had you gotten yourself into? 

“Where the hell are you?” you muttered more to yourself than anything and jumped when a voice behind you replied. 

“Right here” the voice was deep,smooth, manly. Somehow it took you by surprise. In your mind you still heard the voice of twelve year old Steve, whenever you thought of him. Or when you read his letters. Still there was no doubt about it, this was the voice of your childhood friend. With a bright smile you turned around only to meet his chest, instead of his eyes. And what a chest is was. Broad, muscular and stretching the seams of his shirt. This was not how you remembered him at all. Slowly you looked from his muscular chest up to the face of the nineteen year old man from your past. 

“Oh my, you've changed” you said with a chuckle to mask your shock and he pulled you into a hug. He crushed you against him and you sighed. Tension quickly left your body as you took in his scent. There was still something familiar about his smell. And about the way he hugged you close. And like it had all those years ago, it immediately calmed you. 

“So good to see you” he whispered into your hair and you could only nod in agreement. It had been far too long. He agreed with you on that, if the length of the hug was any indication. He had been as reluctant as you were to let go. Alas eventually, you did and he guided you out of the main hall and out towards the grassy field flanking the building. There he threw his jacket on the ground for you to sit on while he sat down next to you. 

You sighed contently as you took in the sun rays as they beamed down on you. It was late afternoon and the heat was slowly dying down enough for you to actually enjoy the weather. It was still unseasonally hot for September. Not that you cared. After 7 years of extremely cold winters in Minnesota, you enjoyed every bit of sun you got. It had been part of the reason to apply for university’s in California. The cold had never been your friend. Despite growing up in the cold New York winters. Steve had always teased you, while you complained loudly about the freezing cold and the slippery snow. 

“So what the hell happened to you” you asked after a few minuted of silence, gesturing to his appearance and he chuckled. 

“Mostly puberty I think” he replied and you laughed out loud. 

“Sure, puberty often hands out muscles like that” you pointed at his sun kissed arm and now he laughed. 

“Football may have helped as well” he sheepishly agreed as he looked down at his arm, absent-mindedly rubbing it. At twelve years old, Steve had been the smallest kid in his class. He had often been the source of ridicule. Although it had not bothered him too much. He had never let anyone put him down. He had been the kid that fought back. He often stood up for others. And he had always stood tall. It was something you had always admired in him. You hoped those characteristics had not been lost, with all the changes in him. And somehow you doubted he would ever loose those qualities. 

The next few hours the two of you got caught up on life. Sharing all that had happened in the years that you'd been separated by the many miles that stood between New York and Minnesota. You talked about his life at University and how he would show you around the city. You talked about new friends and old. About classes he was taking and the ones you had applied too this year. Really nothing seemed off limits. Conversation flowed and it felt like no time had past at all. The friendship was still good. Solid. He still made you feel safe. And he still made you laugh out loud. You had missed him. And seeing him now only drove that home even more. 

You did not want this evening to end. It had been so long since the two of you got to hang out and it felt like there wasn't enough time to catch up. Still, after grabbing a quick dinner together, Steve really had to run. Steve had to go to a meeting with his team-mates and you told him it was just fine, hoping to convince yourself. After all, you now lived mere minutes from one another. There was all the time in the world. 

Therefore, as you watched him run off, you decided to see if your room mate had arrived yet. You'd expected her to arrive yesterday, as most students did, but the day had come and gone and the bed next to yours was still empty. It had not been too bad though, you had needed a night where you could just be. Where you did not have to put up a happy front. You were scared. Starting college scared you. And you had taken the extra alone time to wallow a little. It had taken all your will power not to call your parents that night. You knew you were just having a little bit of anxiety. It would get better as soon as classes started and you would get to know some people. It would have been mean to needlessly worry your parents. 

When you arrived at your room, the door was ajar and movement could be heard from beyond it. Your view was still restricted, so you softly pushed the door open a little wider. What you saw made you chuckle a little. Someone was trying to move two boxes at once, blocking their view and therefore making the task impossible. Upon hearing your chuckle the person stopped and turned to the side, looking past the boxes, to see who was standing by the door. 

A slender red head was revealed behind the large boxes and you quickly moved forward to take the top box from her arms. She smiled gratefully. Now she was able to finally see what she was doing and placed the box next to her desk. Gesturing for you to put the box in your hands on top of it, you nodded and grunted as you bend over with it in your arms. 

“How did you carry two of those at the same time?” You exclaimed and she laughed, a bright happy sound. 

“Cheerleading” she said simply before extending her hand to you, “I'm Natasha”. 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N” you replied as you shook her hand with a kind smile. 

“So are you my new room mate or do you make a habit of peaking into dorm rooms?” she said with a straight face and for a moment you thought she was serious. Eventually she cracked a smile and you laughed before telling her you were in fact the room mate. 

“I'm glad you came when you did,” Natasha said as she flopped down on her bed, “I tend to think I can do everything on my own” she waved at the boxes as she said this and you just nodded. Then her stomach growled and she asked you were the food court was. Offering to walk her there, you got back up and lead the way. 

As Natasha ate a sandwich she explained that she had missed her flight the day before due to traffic. Natasha, you would quickly come to realize, did everything at a fast pace, talking, eating and apparently moving. However, her estimation of the time it would take her to get to the airport had not taken into account people that did not move at such high speed. You chuckled as she passionately talked about her frustration and anger when she had missed her flight. She spoke with her hands and they were flying all over the place, causing quite a few stares. She didn't seem to mind though, hardly noticed any of the eyes on her. 

Eventually she shrugged, calmer, and admitted that it had been her fault. You chuckled and promised you'd help her create a better time management habit if she wanted too. You liked being on time. Being early when you could. She accepted the offer with a bright smile. 

The conversation then turned towards school. And you spoke of your majors. Natasha explained that she had come here on a cheerleading scholarship, something she had trained for since she was young. Though her real passion these days was history. This was the subject she had chosen as her major. Though you knew nothing about cheerleading, you were elated to hear she would have the same major as you had. That way, you had at least one familiar face in the class on your first day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks later you are already getting into a groove. Then Steve wants you to meet his friends.

Two weeks later you had already settled into a nice routine. Between all the morning classes both you and Natasha had signed up for, you had found a strict schedule that seemed to work for the both of you. The two of you were already regretting the early hours, though Natasha had not been given much choice. With her work out schedule, she needed to have as many early classes as possible.  
You on the other hand were wondering why you liked torturing yourself. It had seemed such a good idea, keeping the afternoon as free as possible to work on your assignments. Now, after two weeks it was taking it's toll on you.

Especially since there were so many events in the evening. They helped you getting to know your classmates and all, but they did keep you up later than you wished. You just hoped it would all slow down a little in the weeks to come. 

After your morning classes, you'd have lunch with Steve on most days. It had given you the much needed time to reacquaint yourself with one another. He was still that same guy you had known...for the most part. A little less high strung, which was a good thing. 

Then after the rest of your classes you'd be in the library, working through your assignments. After her training, Natasha would join you and you'd help her catch up on the things you had already done. This worked well, because it gave her time to focus on the gymnastics. And she would help you with anything you were struggling with. It had been really nice to have such an instant click with your room-mate. Despite the fact that the two of you were quite different, a friendship blossomed easily. All your anxiety over not fitting in and feeling alone, were seemingly unfounded. 

When Friday rolled around, Steve asked you to join him and his friends for dinner. They knew a wonderful diner just off campus and he wanted to show it to you. He also wanted you to meet the guy that had moved into your house after you moved.   
It might have seemed strange to others, but that idea made you nervous. Until then you had heard about this Bucky, and he seemed like a great guy. However, he was also the person that had replaced you in Steve's life. You knew that if you didn't get along, that would put a strain on things. 

The idea of losing Steve so quickly after reconnecting brought back your anxiety in full force and you weren't sure how to overcome it. Natasha had tried to ease your worries as best she could, but you were jittery. You really liked having Steve back in your life and you needed this to go smoothly. And smooth sailings and social interactions didn't mix for you. High school had proven that for you.

You did fine most of the time, however, as soon as there was any pressure, you failed. Dating had been terribly fun for you, as anyone could imagine. Eventually, to ease your mind, Natasha offered to join you. Promising to jump in if you needed it. Quickly taking her up on the offer, you had texted Steve if it was okay for her to join you. When he confirmed that it was fine, you finally felt some tension leave your body. 

***

Thirty minutes. That's how late they were. Natasha and you were getting more impatient by the minute. Steve had already sent several texts apologizing. Earlier that afternoon he had informed you that practice had run late. Which you knew to be true. Natasha had heard their coach tear them a new one as she was leaving the adjacent field late that afternoon. Which was why you had opted to change the time, giving them an extra hour. They had accepted and promised to meet you at the entrance gates of campus. Thirty minutes ago. 

By now, your stomach was grumbling loudly as was Natasha's. You were hungry, cold and getting more grumpy by the minute. At least it wasn't raining...yet. Natasha had loudly wondered why she had decided to come along in the first place. You had apologised profusely, which she refused to accept. Citing that it was not your fault at all. Much to your chagrin she had then promised to make them apologise repeatedly before she would consider forgiveness. Somehow you believed she would despite the sarcasm clear in her tone. You wondered what would happen when the guys would finally show up. While you were impatient, she was raging. She had explained that she got hangry. A concept you had not been familiar with, but she was quickly proving her case. She promised she would calm as soon as she had something to eat. But, food seemed to be a long ways away. 

When you heard jogging feet behind you, you quickly turned to see Steve coming up to you. He quickly began to apologize. Apparently his friend was running a little late. Behind him, two more figures were seen walking in your direction. Their steps quick paced.   
As they came closer you could make out that the tallest figure was huge. Broad shoulders and a wide chest to compliment his significant length. His long blond hair tousled by the wind as he had his hands pushed into his jacket pocket. His strong jaw was coated by a short trimmed beard and he smiled apologetically in your direction. 

“So sorry, my fair ladies” he said, his voice deep, smooth. Natasha rolled her eyes. He held out his hand for you to shake and introduced himself as Thor. A teammate to Steve. You nodded and gave him yours and Natasha's name. Behind him another guy caught up to you. Sam, he said, before apologizing for their tardiness. This guy was still quite tall though, next to Thor and Steve he looked of more average height. He was clean cut, shaven and dressed in crisp clothing. He obviously took pride in his appearance, though he lacked the arrogance that often went with that. 

Looking back to Steve you wondered aloud where bucky was. Steve was quick to explain that Bucky had to run another few laps and that had made them late. They had gone to practice in one car. He then told you that Bucky would meet you at the diner later.   
You nodded and asked him to show you the way, more than ready to get out of the chilly evening air. Not to mention, craving food. 

When a dark haired blue eyed hunk of man walked up to your table another half an hour later, your smile was considerably forced. He smirked down at everyone and sat down, not introducing himself. He sat next to Natasha who looked about ready to slap him and you shot her a warning glance. 

“Look who decided to grace us with his presence” she muttered as she munched on a bread stick and he raised an eyebrow when he looked at her. 

“Y/n?” he asked and you took that as your cue to jump in fast. 

“No that would be me. This is Natasha” you quickly said, waving your hand at him, while Steve politely signalled to a waiter to come take their orders. 

“Good to meet you” Bucky said and you nodded, before scanning the menu one more time. Natasha was agitated and her anger oozed out of her. It was impossible not to notice. 

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked, his voice teasing as if he was challenging her. 

“I'd advice you to not speak until I had some food” she growled at him and he laughed loudly before ordering a burger. Waiting for the food was tense. Sam tried to joke and Thor asked a few questions. Neither Steve nor you knew how to diffuse this situation. You sighed in relief when the food finally came and everyone quickly began eating. 

“So...sorry I made everyone late” Bucky said after the plates were half empty, “apparently it’s not wise to mouth off to the coach on a Friday afternoon” 

“Yes, strangely enough you need to learn that lessons time and time again,” Sam chuckled and you cracked a smile. At least he had apologised. Still wanting to make a good impression, you decided that his apology was enough for you. 

“So, Y/n, good to finally meet you” he flashed a dashing smile in your direction. He was charming, and he seemed very much aware of that. You smiled kindly, you could only imagine how often that charm had worked for him. 

“You too, it's been a long time coming,” you replied as you quickly placed your hands on your lap under the table, fidgeting your fingers. Steve subtly reached out and placed his hand over yours, squeezing. It seemed he had not forgotten your habits. You turned your face to smile at him, once again grateful to have his ever calming presence back in your life. 

“Yes, it was long for everyone” Natasha muttered. Bucky smirked as he scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into him. He then asked if he would need to beg for her forgiveness or if a promise not to do it again would be enough for now. She shrugged off his arm and poked at her food. With food in her stomach, her anger was quickly residing and her more playful nature rose up. 

“You're lucky I have food now” she said with a sneer and took another bite. 

“Awhh, is Natasha angry?” He asked and snickered as she glared in his direction. You were certain only you saw the slight twitch of her mouth. She was enjoying this. 

“Yes. That happens when your dinner is postponed by two hours.” Sam intervened, his tone light. He had quickly proven himself to be the peacekeepers of the group. Though he seemed not above a few jabs. You had a feeling you'd get along with him. 

“So sorry.” Bucky said, raising his hands in defeat and easing up on the teasing with a smile. 

“So, Y/n” Sam turned the conversation to you, “Why did you and Bucky never meet before?” 

“He didn't move to Brooklyn, until I moved away” it wasn't quite that enthralling a story, simple geography. 

“What a shame to have missed out on that” Natasha said smiling sweetly. Too sweetly, you noted. 

“But here we are” Steve muttered, unsure of what to say. Natasha smirked and winked at you, making you worry about whatever she had planned. 

“Yeah, she really could not wait to finally meet the replacement friend” Natasha quipped and Bucky laughed loudly when she added that he was not quite as punctual as the first one. 

“Oh I like this one” Bucky said to you and you could not help but chuckle. Any tension had been broken and Natasha smiled at you, which you gratefully returned. Sarcasm was a hit, luckily. Sarcasm was something Natasha had plenty off. 

***

As the night progressed further, it was impossible to keep time straight. You had no idea how much of it had passed and you had lost track of the songs you had sung. And you hardly remembered why you had laughed as loud as you had. Truth was that it did not matter. Fact of the matter was that you had laughed and sung and danced. And you had been drinking. There had been lots of drinking. Apparently bars weren't as uptight around this town. Or perhaps the fake id's Bucky had gotten you all were in fact really believable. Unlikely as that were. Yours stated your age as 30 and Steve apparently had gotten 35 overnight. It didn't really matter. You had promised yourself to get into the college life and getting drunk on your second weekend there seemed to fit the bill. 

Sam had suggested karaoke right after dinner and everyone had jumped at the plan. Which led you stumbling off the stage after yet another song and Steve catching you in his strong arms before you could fall flat on your face. You could feel his laughter reverberate through his chest as you placed a hand on it to steady yourself, laughing loudly with him. His blue eyes shined brightly as he looked down at your face and you beamed up at his smiling face. Mirth ran through you as you saw the twinkle in his eyes. This had been a great night. All your worries had been for nought. 

Steve kissed your temple as he held you close to him for a little while longer. You smiled as you leaned into him, sighed contently. 

“I'm really happy we get to hang out again” you said as you pulled back a little to look up at him again. 

“Me too” his hands rubbed your arms as he replied. He opened his mouth again after a few seconds, ready to speak when Bucky jumped in and pulled him away for their rendition of Hakuna matata.   
It was definitely something you were glad to have witnessed. And thanks to Sam and Natasha it was also memorialised on their phones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up after that fun filled night was tough. Your head was hammering and the sliver of sunlight peaking out between the curtains was enough to make you curse the world.

Waking up after that fun filled night was tough. Your head was hammering and the sliver of sunlight peaking out between the curtains was enough to make you curse the world. A loud grumble left your throat as you turned to escape the offensive light, you really weren't ready to face the day. 

“Morning sunshine” Natasha sounded chipper. Too chipper for someone who matched you drink for drink. Besides the groan you emitted as you pulled a pillow over your head, you remained silent. Your mind was too jumbled to create a coherent sentence. Natasha chuckled softly and you felt her sit down on the edge of your bed. Before you knew it, she pulled the pillow away from you, condemning you to the harsh light still peaking through the obviously useless curtains. With an uncharacteristic shriek you dove under your blanket, earning you another chuckle from your room mate. 

“Time to wake up sleepy head” she said, tugging at the blanket that now covered your head. 

“No,” you said grumpily, not giving an inch in the tug war.

“I've got you some paracetamol and water” Natasha promised. That was enough to still your efforts for a moment. She pulled the blanket off of you and handed you a bottle and some pills. Grumbling a thanks, you quickly downed the pills with a large swallow of water.  
A few moments of silence later Natasha handed you your phone, explaining that it had been buzzing for a while now and she was too curious to wait any longer. You chuckled and unlocked it, wondering who needed you so desperately. 

_Can I get Natasha's number?_

Followed by many of question marks and emoticons. It had come from Steve's number.  
Since Natasha was seated right next to you, you schooled your expression as you felt a slight pang run through you. Why did you feel that pang? Trying to shrug it off you quickly checked with Natasha who hesitated in answering. 

“Steve? Really?” she said a little confused and you chuckled, asking her if he was not up to par for her. With a blush she began to explain that there had been someone amongst the group that caught her eye, however it had not been Steve. 

“Ohhh, tell me, who is it?” you asked teasingly. For some reason it was a relief that she was not interested in Steve. Again her cheeks flushed red and she laughed a little nervous. Promising her to keep it between the two of you, she eventually relented. 

“Bucky” she said and you gasped. They had been bickering for most of the night. Surely most of it had been in good fun, but her crush still took you by surprise. She wiggled her eyebrows and raised her shoulders in response. Apparently she liked the bickering. You shook your head with a chuckle and pondered what to respond to Steve. Letting him down easy would be best, but how to do it?  
A knock on the door gave you a moments reprieve to think it over and you waited as Natasha moved to open it. 

“Hi there” Steve's voice spoke from the other side of the door and dread filled your stomach as you scooted a little lower underneath your blanket once more, wanting to hide away.

“Steve, Sam...this is a surprise” Natasha said, as she opened the door a little wider, allowing them entrance. 

“Yes sorry, I lost my phone last night so we couldn't call ahead” Steve explained and you and Natasha exchanged a confused glance. One that did not escape Sam's attention. 

“What?” he wanted to know and Natasha explained that you had been receiving texts from Steve's number all morning. Quickly grabbing your phone again you asked the person on the other end who it was, anxiously awaiting the reply. You laughed loudly when it came and explained that Steve didn't lose anything. 

“Bucky stole it” you said, holding the phone up for Steve to see. His brows furrowed as he read the texts and chuckled when he understood the reason behind the theft. Another silent exchange between you and Natasha went unnoticed by the men as they asked you to meet them for lunch in 30 minutes while they went back to grab their friend. 

As soon as they had left you wiggled your eyebrows at Natasha, who sported another blush and a huge smile on her face. 

“I guess he liked the banter as well” you said as you got out of the bed and quickly grabbed some clothes and your toiletries. You smiled at your silent room mate as you left the room to find an empty shower. Natasha sat on her own bed, still smiling, completely lost in her thoughts.  
She had not left the spot by the time you returned, though she was now wiggling her feet impatiently. She jumped up as soon as you walked in, ready to meet the men for lunch. 

With a laugh you let her lead the way to the agreed upon location. The boys weren't there yet and Natasha kept asking how she looked as you waited. Assuring her she looked astonishing, you were quick to order yourself a coffee while you waited. As much as the events of the past hour had oppressed the effects of last nights alcohol, the hang over was still in full swing and you could do with some caffeine. 

When the a bell that signalled the entrance of new patrons rang, you glanced over to the door where Sam was now entering. He smiled as he walked over and sat down in the chair next to Natasha. Just outside the café you could see Steve speaking to Bucky, who looked thoroughly uncomfortable.

Nudging Natasha who was straining herself not to look, you nodded your head towards the direction of the door. Finally she turned in her chair to look. Upon seeing Bucky she quickly turned back with eyes as big as saucers. Mouthing go, you urged her to take a chance. She took a few deep breaths, before nodding and getting up. Suddenly much more timid than you had seen her, she walked to the door and interrupted the conversation the two men were having. 

Bucky shifted on his feet nervously while he looked at the ground, while Steve smiled before walking inside, allowing the two to have a private conversation. You smiled as Steve walked up to the table and sat down next to you, keeping an eye on his friend outside.

“What do you think?” he asked. Sam turned in his chair and shrugged, he had no idea which way the conversation would go. 

“Oh, I wouldn't worry,” you said cryptically, when the men looked at you you just shrugged, “ I think there is a happy ending in there somewhere” you added. 

***

And you had not been wrong. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, they were in a relationship. One with plenty of bickering and even more kissing. They were either sickeningly sweet or annoying as could be and they both seemed to love every moment of it. Bucky was even going home with Natasha for Thanksgiving that week. Bravely meeting her parents so early into their relationship. Something he had been regretting almost as soon as he agreed to it. 

He was terrified and Natasha had done nothing to ease his fears. In fact, she and Sam seemed to enjoy making him nervous. She would mention her fathers time spend in the army. And Sam would mention how scary army dad's were, asking Natasha if he still had his gun. Natasha would then list all his weapons, as well as his accomplishments with them. He was a decorated soldier, after all.

You had just laughed at their antics. Natasha had already told you her parents were pretty laid back. She had promised you to inform Bucky of this before he would step into her childhood home.  
And halfway through your own thanksgiving dinner you had gotten a text from Natasha that her family loved him.

By the time you were in your childhood bed that night, it was already past midnight and you were knackered. However, sleep was not for you, as your phone rang just as you were dozing off. Steve. Trying to ignore the flutter in your heart you answered the phone. 

“Hi” his voice softly spoke as soon as you had picked up. He explained that he had no real pressing reason to call, except to tell you that he was thankful that he had you back in his life. You smiled and returned the sentiments. 

Who could have known just how safe this friendship would still feel after all those years. How happy it made you that although everything had changed over the years, you still matched. You could still be yourself around him. And he still made you feel safe and powerful. 

You had noticed over the past few months that Steve liked calling. Just to say goodnight. Or ask you to meet up. To ask about your plans. Even sometimes just to say hi, as he put it. You talked to him all the time and you didn't mind one bit. Surely Natasha teased you for it, but you didn't care. He was your friend. 

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach each time you saw his name on the caller-id. After all, you were friends. Nothing more. Those butterflies were just confused. By his arms. Or his smile. Or those eyes. Yep. Just confused. You weren't developing a crush on your best friend. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very different from my initial idea, I hope you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As an important game is approaching, you think back to the first game of that year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to get this out today, I hope you like it.   
> As of last week I am home from work, with a burnout.  
> It has made me feel a little lost and writing was hard.   
> Thankfully most of this chapter was already written.   
> i'm hoping it wont effect my schedule of posting but I can't be sure.

As you sat in the food court and looked at the people rushing in and out around you, you were surprised by the passage of time. Time was going by so incredibly fast. It was already December and you truly felt that you had gotten into a grove here. You were comfortable, at ease. It felt like you belonged here. Classes were gruelling but, you still enjoyed them. And being away from your family was not so hard with the friends you had made. You had never expected to make those quite so easily. 

You smiled when you saw Natasha waving as she walked your way. You moved a seat over towards the window, allowing Bucky, Steve and her to slide into the other seats. Natasha sat across from you, next to Bucky, who moved his chair so he sat as close as he could to her. You chuckled at the sight, while Steve pressed a kiss to the top of your head and sat down in the chair next to you.   
You gave him a bright smile and said hello to the three of them. 

All three of them had just returned from practice in their respective sports and were freshly showered. You on the other hand had been bent over in a chair in the library all afternoon and felt a little crumbled next to them. Then again, in your honest opinion, they tended to look like moviestars most of the time. You on the other hand felt more like the girl next door. Not ugly. Just not....as special. You would think twice to voice those thoughts though. A few weeks ago, you had and Natasha had been quick to berate you. It was sweet, but did nothing to lessen the feelings. 

Uni however had been all you had hoped it would be and for some reason it almost felt too good to be true. Your friendship with Steve had picked up more easily than either of you could have guessed. And you had made new friends quite effortlessly. Which, you knew, was mostly thanks to Natasha's outgoing nature. She was funny, sarcastic and incredibly honest. Which most people seemed to like about her. Who could blame them? It was definitely something you loved about her. 

You glanced to the side, watching Steve's profile while he spoke animately with Bucky. His hands waving frantically as he tried to explain something, but not finding the words to help him do so.   
You smiled as you watched him, while you could hear Bucky's boisterous laughter as he kept repeating that he didn't understand Steve. Something told you that he understood very well what his friend was trying to say. He was just teasing him as Bucky so liked to do. Bucky seemed to thrive on banter, both with his friends and his girlfriend. Which was one of the reasons he and Natasha worked so well together. 

After a few moments of gazing, you were quick to direct your eyes to the cup of tea before you. That was when you noticed Natasha looking your way. She winked at you before nodding her head to Steve. She was discreet, though you still checked to see if either of the men had noticed. You shook your head at her and she barked out a laugh. She didn't believe you. You could not really blame her, you didn't really believe it either. 

While the men had not noticed the silent exchange, they did notice the laugh that had escaped Nat's mouth and she was quick to divert to attention back to them, telling Bucky to stop teasing Steve. Bucky laughed loudly and Steve's cheeks got a little more colour to them.   
Natasha was smile sweetly before turning the conversation towards the match that weekend. 

You could not help but smile as you thought back to their first match of the season. It had been a little while ago, but you still remembered the tone in Steve's voice when he had called you. He had been so nervous. 

It had been late in the evening when your phone had buzzed. It pulled you from your slumber. If you had not been having trouble falling asleep that night, you might not even have heard it.   
As it was, you did. Groggy you had reached for it, expecting a text, but as it kept buzzing you quickly realized it was a call. This had woken you up more and you had quickly turned on a night light, while sitting up straight. Luckily Natasha slept like a log or you would've had to deal with her sleep deprived anger. 

With a whisper you answered the call, uncertain who would call at this time of the night. Of course, had you been more awake, you could have checked caller-id. 

“Sorry to call this late” Steve’s voice had sounded on the other end, unease clear in his tone.

Confused you assured him that it was fine and inquired why he was calling. When you heard the anxiety laced in his next words, you knew what you had to do. When you had been kids, there was one thing that would always help him. So five minutes later, you were meeting Steve outside of your dorm. 

You walked around campus for hours listening to his fears, his worries. How he feared that he would muck it up that next day. That they would lose the game and he would be to blame.   
To distract him you had changed the subject. Talked about your combined memories and shared interests. The sun was already peaking over the horizon when you said goodbye to a much calmer Steve. 

It had surprised you that he would still get so nervous. If you were to believe Bucky, and you did, Steve had been praised for his game ever since his first year of playing back in high school. It had made you wonder how much of the shy little boy that you had known so long ago, was still inside of him. 

You pondered who he had talked to, when things made him anxious, before reuniting with him this year. Though you figured it would have been either Bucky or Sam. They seemed to understand that Steve wanted to do right by everyone and hardly ever teased him about that. Well, only light teasing, which Steve could easily return. 

Coming back to the present as Natasha softly kicked you under the table, you apologised for tuning out, claiming fatigue. Natasha barked out another laugh, while Steve fussed over you, wondering if you were working yourself too hard. Assuring him that you would be just fine, Bucky finally repeated the question you had missed before. 

“Are you coming to the after party?” he said and you laughed, wondering aloud if they were not being to cocky about their imminent victory.

“Win or lose, a party is a good way to end the day” Bucky shrugged, though he still seemed confident that they would not loose. It was a home game after all. There was the added home court advantage. Or as Steve would most likely see it, added pressure. 

“True,” you agreed, “Of course, I'll be there” you promised. 

Steve pulled you into his side and kissed the top of your head once more as he muttered 'good'. You had no time to think about it as Bucky began to explain which dorm house would hold the party, as he would be damned to have it at their off campus apartment. 

***

The game had been intense, making the elation over winning that much greater. The dorm was crowded and hot, making you wonder if the entire student body had showed up tonight. Pushing through throngs of dancing bodies, you finally made it to an empty bathroom, walking in before quickly closing the door behind you. You closed your eyes and sighed as you leaned back against the cool door. 

“I thought I'd locked that” Steve's voice startled you and you opened your eyes to see him leaning on the sink with a beer. He smiled and you relaxed instantly. 

“Pretty sure it's faulty” you said, twisting the lock a few times, hearing no click. 

Steve shrugged and stood straight, looking you over. You could feel your stomach twisting under his gaze and your cheeks got heated. How could he have this effect on you, without really doing much of anything? 

“Thanks for being there today” Steve said as he stepped closer and took your hand in his. 

Willing your heart to slow down, you smiled as you looked up at his face again. His blue eyes were bright and alert, his smile kind as always. Squeezing his hand you leaned into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“Always” you promised and he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug.

“Now, tell me, why is the man of the match hiding away?” you asked him a few blissful moments later. 

“Needed a moment of peace and quiet” Steve shrugged and you squeezed him a little closer, wanting to comfort him. 

“And then I came barging into it” you looked up at him to assess his mood. Did it bother him? You'd leave in an instance if he needed you too. 

“I never need you to stay away” Steve chuckled and you smiled. 

He bent down to kiss your cheek and opened his mouth to say something when the door burst open and two very drunken strangers fell into the bathroom. They hardly even noticed you and kept kissing and pulling at their clothes. Swallowing his words Steve was quick to guide you to the door and close it behind the two of you. That's when you both burst out laughing and walked away to find your friends. 

Two hours later, with the party in full swing you were taken over by yawning. It was nearing midnight and you really wanted to get into bed. It took you another hour to finally excuse yourself and leave. Natasha had decided to join you, while the celebrating men remained behind. 

By the time you were in bed, sleep took over quickly. You were ready to leave the long day behind. If only you had known that it would last a little longer still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was supposed to end very differently, but it was over 3000 words long and I still could not end it properly. So instead I broke it in two. Not sure yet if it will effect the amount of chapters in the end, but it probably will. We'll see.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is not over yet and is about to be a little more awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...a little earlier, but I finished it and since I'm not going to work at the moment I figured, why keep myself to this schedule of posting haha. I need to keep busy.

No more then two hours later your phone buzzed and you cursed your tired mind for not putting it on silent, before reaching for it. Already angry at whoever was pulling you from your much needed beauty rest, you didn't even bother to look who was calling before you answered, forcing out a soft hello. It took all your willpower not to yell at the person on the other end. However, you reminded yourself, you weren't the only one asleep in this room and while it was a miracle that Natasha had slept through the incessant ringing, you were not about to wake her now. 

“You answered!” Steve's loud voice exclaimed on the other end of the call and you groaned. Why was he calling you this late and why the hell did he have to sound so loud and happy. 

Before you could get a word in he began rambling and you barely listened as he gave a animated account of the match. The one you actually saw. The one he knew you went to see. You tried to tell him this. Promised to miss his next one if he was going to give you such a detailed recount anyway, but he was deaf to your words. Sighing loudly, you tried to stop him again, but it was as if he had a word count to reach and he was racing to catch up. And as you began plotting his early demise, you got out of the bed and walked into the hallway, away from your still soundly sleeping room mate. At the moment you were very jealous of her soft snores. 

“Steve!” you finally snapped, still controlling your volume, and his stream of words suddenly stopped, shocked by the outburst, “Why are you calling?” you were quick to ask now he seemed to be stunned into silence. 

“Oh, shit, right. Well....It appears I'm a little drunk.” he said. He had the good sense to sound a little embarrassed. You could almost see him scratching his neck as his cheeks were probably taking on a shade of pink. 

“No shit Sherlock” you sighed loudly. Last you had spoken to him, he had been tipsy at best. Nowhere near drunk and that was only two hours ago. How did he manage that? Then again in your, slightly limited, experience this wasn't quite so unthinkable for college boys. 

“The cab wouldn’t take me” Steve mumbled abashed, his voice softer now. The scoff he made afterwards, telling you he didn't understand why the driver wouldn't. 

“Can't blame him. I've seen you drunk” you couldn't help but laugh. Your laughter was met with some annoyed mumbling about not being that bad. You'd correct him on that when he was sober again. For now you let it slide. You knew there was no point in arguing with him in this state. He was too stubborn to ever admit defeat when he was intoxicated. He was too stubborn for that sober. 

“Can you pick me up?” he finally asked after a few moments of silence from his end.

“Oh, Steve. I wouldn’t know how.” you began to explain, “I don't have a car and I am not waking Natasha”. You also really just wanted to go back to sleep, but kept that reasoning to yourself. 

“Take mine” Steve was quick to offer and you rubbed your hand over your face, grumbling before agreeing. He explained where you could find his keys and you hung up. This really wasn't how you had planned to spend your night. 

Quickly going back into your room, you put on some shoes and pulled on a coat over your pyjama's. Then you grabbed the spare key that you and Natasha kept from the boys, and collected your own keys before you finally left the dorm and set out for Steve's apartment.   
It was late, you were beyond tired and you really did not want to walk these streets alone. Despite the relative short distance, there was no telling what was lurking in the dark. Alas you had already promised, so you kept moving. By now the look on your face must have been murderous enough that the few people out at this time of night, wouldn't dare address you. Small favours.

By the time you reached the dorm where the party was held, another hour had passed and the festivities were now clearly over. Many drunk people stood before the building. Some were kissing, some were puking, most were just loud and obnoxious. You grumbled a little to yourself as you pulled over, putting the car in park before getting out.

Steve was quick to notice you and stumbled over, with a big smile plastered on his face. His footing unstable and his speech possibly more incoherent than it had been on the phone. Apparently the drinking had not ended after you had ended the call. This was going to be a very, very long night. 

“I knew you'd come” his speech was slurred as he leaned over you and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You felt a shiver down your spine as he did so and smiled before sighing deeply. Why did this man have such an effect on you, when you were supposed to be pissed off? 

“Well, here I am”

“You're pretty” he continued, looking at you with a sparkle in his eyes and a sweet smile on his lips. The way he said it almost made you believe it. Or perhaps you just wanted to believe him. However, that was the moment he nearly tripped while standing still and you knew just how far gone he really was. 

“And you, sweetheart, are drunk.” you replied and began to push him towards the passengers seat. Or at least you tried. Evidently he wasn't done yet and resisted the movement. Instead he turned to face you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. You leaned into the hug for a moment, savouring it. 

“Drunk people always tell the truth” he said with conviction as he struggled to stand and you struggled to keep the both of you upright. With him leaning on your smaller form, that posed quite the endeavour. 

You chuckled and nodded, hoping to appease him and get him into the car. The nod seemingly was enough for now and he allowed you to finally push him in, before running around the front of the car and getting behind the wheel. It was time to get him home, so you could go back to sleep. 

When you arrived at his building, getting him out of the car appeared an easy step. As you had opened the door he had thrust himself out of the seat and into your arms. Again telling you that you were wonderful and kind and amazing. Smiling sweetly, instead of answering you began to walk towards the entrance of the building. He willingly followed you. Or more accurately, allowed you to lead him as again he leaned heavily upon you. 

It was getting him up the stairs that posed the biggest problem. By the time you were halfway up, you realised you were not going to make it without help. He was far to heavy for you to carry alone and in his drunken state it was like lugging around dead weight. It was impossible and you were already struggling to fill your lungs. Realising that it might be time for you to start exercising, you groaned and thought of a plan. 

Pushing Steve against the wall and standing one step below to make sure he would not fall down, you tried to figure out which of his room mates you should ask for help. Quickly deciding on Bucky, you sent a quick text and waited anxiously for him to come down. When he did a excruciating five minutes later, you knew he had been the right choice. He was clearly less inebriated than his friend.

However, those five minutes where you waited had been difficult. Steve was a needy drunk. And very talkative. He wanted to hug you, and talk to you. And he expected you to respond to the nonsensical things he uttered. After telling you another one of his 'hilarious' jokes, you just displayed a fake smile and told him to keep it quiet. Last thing you needed was an angry neighbour to deal with. 

After apologizing profusely, he reached down and with his mouth right next to your ear he whispered “I like you”. Though not quite as softly as he probably intended. You weren't sure how to respond to that and were very grateful that Bucky chose that moment to reach you. And gladly using him as a distraction, you simply asked Bucky to support Steve on the right, while you took his left arm over your shoulder. 

“Seems I asked the right friend for help” you said softly, looking around Steve to see Bucky. He appeared freshly showered and not nearly as sleep deprived as you felt. 

“Yeah, appears I actually know my limits,” Bucky chuckled as he helped you get Steve to his room.

As soon as you had dropped Steve on his bed, who by now was already half asleep, Bucky took over and you were on your way to the door when a yelp from Bucky made you turn around. While trying to take of Steve's shoes, Bucky had become the happy recipient of a surprisingly well placed sucker punch.

“No, not you”, Steve had said angrily as he pointed to you instead. 

Bucky laughed loudly as he looked at his friend. His level of inebriation meant his punch had little power and it barely moved Bucky. He stood back though, allowing you some space to help Steve instead. Drunk Steve was known to be a stubborn punk. Bucky stood by the door, close by, to help you if needed. 

“I like you.”Steve said again and again not quite as softly as he obviously thought he did, “You're pretty,” he added when he was placed underneath a blanket and you were about to step away. 

“Right, thanks. I like you too. Now go to sleep,” you smiled at him and began to move away, only to be stopped by Steve's hand on your wrist, pulling you closer to him. You struggled to keep your balance and stay on your feet as he pulled your wrist to his face. Bending over him you raised an eyebrow, wondering just what his intentions were. 

“No, but I lo...” 

“Steve please stop talking. You're drunk” you were quick to interrupt him, feeling thr heat rise to your cheeks. Oh, what you wouldn't give from him to finish that sentence. And to mean it. But he was too drunk and this was not the time. This wasn't real. 

Bucky stood in silence, pretending very hard that he had not heard a thing as you moved past him, with your head held down, willing the redness of your face to go unnoticed in the low lighting of the apartment. It probably didn't, but Bucky didn't say a word as you power walked out of the apartment door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it.   
> This was originally the rest of the previous chapter, but it didn't feel right. it needed it's own chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to forget last nights events.

“Hi there boozy” Natasha said a little too loud as she dropped down on the couch next to Steve. He was hunched over and groaned loudly as he tried to block out the sounds around him by placing his hands over his ears. Natasha smirked as she looked in his direction. So far, she had not once dealt with a hangover and she took perhaps a little too much pleasure in teasing whoever was dealing with it. She had gone easy on you, but loved annoying the men. 

“Can you not shout” Steve asked her in nothing but a whisper and she laughed loudly as she pushed against his shoulder. For a moment you thought that the movement turned him a little green and you wondered if it was smart to move a little further away from the sickly man.

“That's just my natural volume” Natasha countered, her voice perky. Surely she wasn't lying. There was no shouting, but there was some added perkiness to spite him. Not to mention the shove had not been entirely necessary. You chuckled and glanced towards the kitchen where Sam was making breakfast for his hungover friend. Apparently Steve had been the only one that not stopped drinking until the party had ended. Neither Bucky or Sam seemed any worse for wear. 

“How come neither of you took him home?” you wondered as you walked over to the kitchen and stood with your hip against the counter, watching Sam. 

“I had other things on my mind” Sam said smirking. Just then you noticed the hickey on his neck. Quickly pulling down his collar you laughed and asked him for a name. He promised to give it when he was sure it was more than one night. Accepting his answer you walked back to the living room and dropped down on the couch opposite of Steve and Natasha. 

“I hope it was worth it, cause he called Y/n from her bed” Natasha said, again a little louder than needed. She smirked broadly when Steve groaned again. Steve then dropped his head on the armrest of the couch and put a pillow over his head. Earning himself a boisterous laugh from Natasha and Bucky.

“Sooooo worth it” Sam smiled and brought over a plate to Steve. 

Natasha protested loudly that he did not deserve such treatment and she would eat his share instead. Steve didn't even fight her, he just kept his head underneath the pillow. Sam chuckled and began to make another serving, while Natasha moved to sit next to you and share her snatched breakfast. She looked rather proud of her conquest. You could not help but chuckle again at her pleased expression, before you helped yourself to piece of bacon. 

“What about you?” Natasha then asked her boyfriend, who was busy making coffee. 

“When I left he refused to come. Said the party was just getting started.” Bucky shrugged as he grabbed mugs from the cabinet above him. 

“What time was that?” Sam asked incredulous. Bucky shrugged again, not sure what time that had been. It could not have been too long before Steve had called you. Otherwise you would have ran into Bucky at their place. 

Bucky walked back with two cups of coffee, placing one in front of Steve and giving the other to Natasha, bending down to give her a quick peck. He then went back to grab his own cup. Natasha quickly gave you the remnants of the breakfast that was on the plate and practically attacked her coffee-cup. You chuckled as you munched on bacon and eggs that she had left for you. 

You had quickly figured out months ago that Natasha's upbeat personality was only sustained by pouring coffee into her. And the pouring needed to be near constant. Without it she was dangerous. Bucky knew this and would always offer her a cup as soon as she walked in. 

Soon Sam joined you four on the couches with another plate of food for Steve and water bottles for you and him. He smiled as he sat down next to you, while Bucky took up residence on the armrest next to Natasha. 

“So, what happened last night?” Sam inquired and Bucky quickly looked to you. Shaking your head ever so slightly, you hoped he understood that you did not want to say anything. This was not a subject you wished to talk about now, if ever. 

When you had woken up that morning, Natasha had already been up and wondered where you had gone during the night. With her keen ability to observe she had noticed that your things were not in the same place as the night before. She certainly had an eye for detail. 

You had been quick to explain that Steve had called for you to pick him up. Which you had done promptly.  
Naturally you had been a little less forthcoming with the details of the pick up itself, leaving out the words he had said to you. Same as his apparent need to hold you close last night. She could not hear any of that. You weren't ready to face it yourself.  
So in your adapted version, you had simply been helping a friend. A friend that had been grateful and fallen asleep almost instantly. You could only hope that Bucky would follow your lead in this. 

“I don't know” Steve groaned in answer as he sipped on his coffee and listlessly stabbed at his food with a fork.

“Come on” Sam called out a little too loud and he quickly apologised to his friend, while you and Natasha only laughed at Steve's expense. He was such a baby. You knew from experience, that Steve would continue to whine and groan for another hour or so, before his normal personality would resurface. Until then, Natasha took great pleasure in teasing him. Often aided by Bucky. 

“No really, I remember calling Y/N, and getting another beer while I waited” Steve offered and you looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Just the one? Really?” you asked and when he looked at you with confusion written on his face you laughed again. 

“You were practically incoherent when I got there” you explained and he slapped a hand over his face. 

“Sorry” Steve was mortified and Natasha just laughed a little louder, while Bucky began to tell him how could barely get a word out by the time you had asked him for help. 

You were grateful for Bucky's silence on the words that Steve did muster and hoped that it would stay between the two of you. You would be the one mortified if it got out. You and Steve probably, because than he would have to explain that he didn't mean any of it. You weren't sure if you wanted to hear him ever speak those words. 

While everyone talked, Steve was slowly becoming the man he was before the alcohol. Slowly but surely the colour returned to his cheeks and the shaking off his limps faded. After taking another dose of paracetamol, he could even laugh at Natasha’s attempts to make him wince by speaking far too loud. Natasha just winked at him when she noticed he was finally recovering. 

Sam’s phone rang and he stood up and walked to the kitchen before answering. You looked at Natasha with a silent question, one she could only answer with a shrug. Was that his mystery date?  
Since you were certain Sam would introduce her to you all when he was ready, both of you decided not to press the subject. However the curiosity was still there.

When Sam returned from the kitchen, he quickly answered the question he did not even know had crossed your mind, by informing all of you that it had been Thor. Thor was in the local park, playing a friendly game of football with a few teammates and he wondered if Steve, Bucky and Sam wanted to join in.

Sam was definitely game, however he doubted Steve would be worth too much on the field. And Bucky would only go if Natasha was good. With a sneaky wink in your direction she began to whine, explaining that she had hoped to spend the day with her boyfriend. However, she was willing to come on a few conditions, being the good girlfriend she was. One, you would accompany her. (Sam quickly began pleading with you) and two, it would be up to the boys to arrange dinner for the two of you that evening. Both Sam and Bucky quickly jumped on that. Laughing you were quick to concede and promised you'd come with them. 

Little did they know, that you and Natasha had already discussed that the weather would be far too nice to spend the day inside. And while the men always wanted to get active, you both had hoped for a nice relaxing day in the sun. Thor’s plan would combine the two wonderfully.

Now that they were certain you and Natasha were on board, everyone turned to Steve. Who, up until that point, had remained completely silent. Groaning a little he eventually gave in without a fight. He just wanted to hang out with his friends. And while usually he would jump at a chance to play a friendly game, today he really wasn’t feeling it. As much as he was coming back to life, his body still felt way too heavy. 

Before everyone was ready to leave for the park, Bucky, considerate as he was, quickly grabbed a large blanket for Natasha and you to sit on as you watched the game.

***

The Weather really was wonderful. The sun was out and with the 65 degrees, it seemed like a good day to lay around in the warming rays. While the men greeted their friends and team-mates, you and Natasha found a nice spot in the sun,one near to a tree. That way you could seek out the shade if you wanted too.

Soon the game was in full swing, while you and Natasha spoke about anything and everything. Although you were careful not to mention the night before. If the subject would come up, Natasha would quickly figure out you were hiding something and you found that you had trouble lying to her. Better to avoid the subject all together.

After a while something on the grassy field caught your eye. Steve. Well, honestly you'd kept him in your sight the entire time. And for the past twenty minutes or so he tried really hard to keep up with his team-mates. Now however, he was obviously struggling more and more. He tried to run as fast as them, but failed miserably and when he threw the ball, it was never quite as far as he hoped it would go. Finally after another ten minutes or so, he gave up. Not before falling down at least twice, mind you. You winced everything he went down, while Bucky just laughed loudly, before helping him back up again. Natasha smirked as she watched the whole ordeal. Out of breath and covered in sweat, Steve dropped down on the grass next to you. He was beat.

By now you had moved towards the tree trunk, leaning your back against it. That way, you legs got some rays, while your head remained cool. You chuckled as your friend looked your way exasperated with himself. He hated not keeping up. He probably regretted drinking as much as he had last night. But there was nothing he could do about it now. You smiled and placed a hand on his cheek for a second. 

Once Steve had finally caught his breath, he let a deep sigh escape him and he dropped his head on your lap. You smiled as you looked down on him, his eyes directed at the field where everyone else was still playing. Unable to control yourself, you began to comb through his hair, enjoying the feeling. The quiet intimacy of the moment. It felt nice. Steve sighed again and the corners of his mouth moved up into a smile.  
Soon his eyes began to droop and he drifted off to sleep.

Another thirty minutes later the rest of the players took a break and Natasha offered to help Sam and Clint, another teammate, to get drinks for everyone. Promising she would be back soon, she kissed Bucky’s forehead and waved before jogging to catch up to the two men.  
Bucky sat down next to you and quickly took the opportunity to breach the subject he had wanted to talk about ever since you had walked into his apartment that morning. Last night.  
He took a deep breath and, after checking if Steve was really asleep, looked you directly in the eye.

“So….are you going to talk to him?” He finally asked. He had prodded Steve and waved his hand frantically in front of his face. After also repeating his name a few times, he was satisfied that the man on your lap was truly asleep. You chuckled at his antics, but froze at his question.

“Nope” you simply said, looking down at the sleeping figure below. He looked so peaceful. And handsome. 

“Have you told Nat?” Bucky followed.

“Nope, wasn’t really planning on it either.” You confessed honestly.

“Right…do you want to talk about it?” He offered and you smiled. The intention was nice.

“ No. Thanks. I’m good” you chuckled. The conversation was quickly making you uncomfortable. There were too many ears everywhere and Steve could wake up. 

“ But he almost…” Bucky tried again. He was persistent, you realized. 

“but he didn’t,” you were quick to interrupt him. Much like you had interrupted Steve that night as well, “Besides he doesn’t remember” you added with a shrug of your shoulders, pretending it didn’t faze you. As if it didn’t matter. As if the words Steve had almost said didn’t rock you to your core. 

“ Are you sure?” Bucky wondered out loud, looking down at Steve again. He was obviously struggling to believe you. His face was filled with concern. One the one hand you were glad to have a friend that was trying to help you. On the other hand, you really wished he would just let it go. 

“I think you should just talk to him”. Bucky added after a moment. Conviction written on his face. Apparently, he thought that it would serve some purpose to talk the night over. You disagreed. It would do you no good. And Steve would only feel guilty for blabbing on in his drunken state. Surely he could not have meant it.

“Thanks, but no” you offered Bucky a smile. Surely he meant well, but you really didn’t think it would help either of you.

“Fine” Bucky said, his hands up in defeat, “But I think you both need that conversation” he added adamantly.

You scoffed and Bucky held up his hands defensively admitting defeat in this disagreement. You were sure he would revisit this in the near future, but for now he allowed you to try and push it from your mind. And you were glad for the reprieve.

When Natasha came back, silence had fallen over your little group of three and she looked a little suspicious as she handed you a bottle of water. When neither of you gave any indication that anything was wrong, she eventually let it slide. For now. She was at least as persistent as Bucky proved to be, you were certain she would corner you later. 

It took Steve another hour to finally wake up from his slumber. Slowly he stretched his legs, before turning onto his back, smiling lazily at you as soon as he caught your eye. You could not help but smile back at him.  
No matter what had happened last night, you could not keep your distance from Steve. You were too happy to have him back in your life again. You were not about to let some stupid infatuation from your side ruin this life long friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked this! I have most of the story outlines and big parts already written. With me being home so much now, I'll most likely update twice a week from now on. Or I'll try anyway.
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get more and more awkward around your friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I suck at planning a story. Which means it will probably be a few more chapters than I intended. There was so much I wanted to put in this chapter. I needed to break it up. So two chapters suddenly became three and I am trying to see if that is the last extension. Only the last two chapter still need to be (mostly) written, the rest only requiring some editing.   
> As it is that leaves me at 12 chapters. 
> 
> I can't wait to share it with all of you.   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

To say you weren't counting down the days till Christmas would be a blatant lie. Over the last week you had been trying really hard to focus on school. You really tried. Concentration was actually very important now, with the exams coming up so soon. Yet, whenever Steve laughed, your heart skipped a beat. And when his hands would brush yours, you were certain he felt the tremor it caused in your body.   
The words he had almost spoken a week ago, kept running through your mind on a loop. There seemed to be no escape from it. No relief. 

He was always around when you were awake and then he even had the audacity to show up in your dreams. It was getting harder and harder to keep it together. Your crush was slowly eating away at you and you feared it would destroy the friendship you had coveted for so long.   
Citing studies, you had been able to avoid a few dinners and a movie night. But you could use that excuse only so often and you were already teased by your friends for being too serious. 

Natasha knew something was up, but she had let it go so far, allowing you to create a bubble around yourself. A bubble filled with books and studying. And daydreaming, but she had no way of knowing that. You were good at hiding that part of your bubble from everyone. 

Nobody had been able to get too close, to pop your bubble. Even though they had all tried more than once. Sam would offer food, knowing you could not deny yourself his cooking skills forever. Steve would fuss over you, wondering if you were working yourself too hard. Telling you to relax every once in a while. Asking you to go on walks, watch movies or just ordering you to take a nap. You had laughed and waved all his attempts away. You were fine. 

Bucky had tried to take advantage of the fact that you were now mostly on your own and he had tried to talk to you several times the last week, but you had successfully dodged all his attempts. It hadn't been too hard, since you had spend most of your free time in the library these days. And whenever he would speak, you'd point to the sign that asked everyone to be quiet. After a while he would groan and walk away. Only to then try and corner you in your dorm. Which again you dodged by slipping into a bathroom. He was smart enough not to follow you there. You hoped he would eventually give up. 

Natasha, however, had not tried to move you. She had just watched as you studied. And kept quiet as you waved the guys away. She hadn't said a thing. And you knew she was just gearing up, making you fear when you could expect her attack. She would watch you silence Bucky more than once and you knew that she was slowly painting a picture in her mind. For a long terrifying two days you worried that she would think something had happened between you and Bucky, however you were quick to learn that this was not the case. 

“What's going on Y/n?” Natasha demanded late one night, while you were both getting ready to sleep. 

“What do you mean?” playing dumb had saved you so many times the past week. It only had to hold out twelve more days until Christmas. Once you went home, you'd have time to quietly over think all that had been going on. After that there might be a more coherent answer you could give your friend. Might be. 

“Don't play dumb” right, someone like Natasha was not easily fooled or discouraged. You should have known. 

“Bucky and you have a secret and I need to know what it is” she added. You were already laying under the covers when she sat down near your feet, and looked you in the eye. 

“Have you asked Bucky” you wondered, avoiding the question. 

“Yes” she simply answered and you rolled your eyes. She was not giving you the answer you really intended to get after that question. And by the twinkle in her eyes and the smile playing on her lips, she was doing it intentionally. 

“And?” you pressed, wanting to know exactly what he had given up before you answered her.

“He seems to think it's not his secret to tell.” you sighed as she said this and then smiled. He was far more loyal than you had given him credit for you realised. Bucky was a good friend. Who made one hell of a first impression, you thought to yourself and nearly chuckled as you remembered the irritation he had first mustered up in both you and Natasha. Oh how things had changed. 

“Oh” you finally said, pondering your next move. 

“So tell me” Natasha now pressed, keeping her eyes on you. You had her full attention. 

“It's nothing really” you tried to shrug off. She scoffed and raised a single eyebrow, silently challenging your words. 

“I...” you began, but fell quiet again, unsure where to start and what to tell her. 

“What happened that night when you picked up Steve” Natasha clarified the question and you looked back up at her face in shock. How had she known that something happened then? 

“What makes you think anything happened” you were quick to ask her and she barked out a loud laugh. 

“Because you've been an awkward mess ever since.” she explained.

“Geez Thanks” you sighed and looked back at your hands once more, clenching and unclenching your fingers. 

“Don't deny it” she smirked and you knew she was right. There were so many moments, but one immediately jumped to the forefront of your mind. It was the most recent and also the worst of them all. 

Earlier that weekend Sam had invited you over for movie night. With Christmas coming closer, a cheap night in was adamant for all of you and what better way to spend it than with a movie. You had tried to refuse, but Sam promised to make you both quesadillas and nachos. And those were undeniably the best thing in the world. Therefore you had closed your books and followed Natasha to their apartment. 

As per usual, Bucky and Natasha had taken up the smaller one of the couches together, tangled in a sweet embrace, leaving the three of you on the other couch. Nothing weird so far. It was big enough to seat all three of you comfortably. You had shared the couch many times before over the past few months. Again there was nothing weird about it. No hidden meaning behind it. You knew this and yet it had put you on edge immediately. 

The evening had begun normal enough, sitting between Sam and Steve. Joking together and playfully commentating on the scenes of the movie. Nothing that hadn't happened before. Sam was always quick to point out the stupid things people in movies always seemed to do. You would then follow his observation with an over the top explanation that had you all bending over in laughter. Most of the time it ended with everyone taking turns in predicting the next move of the lead character or even better the antagonist of the movie. It never failed to create a fun filled evening. 

This night however, with everyone tired from studying for their finals, the banter had died down halfway through the movie. Bucky had drifted off to sleep and Steve was quickly following. That was when his head had landed on your shoulder. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. All of you had fallen asleep on others in your group of friends more than once over the course of these past few months.   
What was weird, though, was your reaction to the ordeal. 

You had jumped at the touch, as if he had burned you. Unable to use the movie as an excuse (Natasha had asked for anything but horror this time) you were quick to say you needed to pee and fled the room. Steve had been jerked awake by the movement and a little dazed he just looked around. He had completely missed what had happened. Thankfully. As had Sam and Bucky. Sam because of his angle. And Bucky because he was still blissfully asleep. 

When you came back to the room, everybody was back to watching the movie. Nobody said anything about your awkward action, making you believe you had dodged a bullet. You should have known that Natasha had seen it all happen and she was not so easily deterred. 

“Just tell me” Natasha scooted closer and grabbed your hand in hers, pulling you back from memory lane. She squeezed it softly and the sympathetic look on her face told you that she was just trying to be a good friend.

You knew you could trust her. Certain she would help you the best she could. And yet...it was so hard to tell her. To tell anybody really. Not because she would judge any of the people involved. She was better than that. But you were afraid of the conclusions she would pull from the story. She always caught on to things. 

Natasha raised her eyebrows inquisitively, urging you to talk. She could probably see the inner turmoil going on behind your eyes. She noticed these things. You knew she would not let this go. She would keep asking, until you told her. So why not tell her. Exactly what had happened. Without adding the feelings in the mix. That would work right? Right? Here's to hoping, you thought and braced yourself. It was time to tell her something. 

With a deep sigh, you rolled your head to pop your neck and began telling the story you had wanted to keep from everyone, including Steve. She already knew that he had called, and that you had taken his car as to not wake her up. So you began telling her the story from the moment you had pulled up at the party.   
You spoke of his words. Him calling you pretty. And you neglected to add the way he had held you close. How he had looked into your eyes, while moving a lock of hair from your face. And how your heart had skipped more than one beat because of it. 

You told yourself that you kept those details under wraps because they would only complicate things. Especially since he was so drunk that he remembered none of it. 

Then you explained that you had needed Bucky's help to get him up the stairs. You didn't tell her that he had gotten so close once more, telling you he liked you. Just that Bucky had come by the time that Steve's words had become completely incoherent. Adding that Bucky had tried to take over as soon as you were inside their apartment, only to get punched by his best friend. Because drunk Steve wanted you to help him instead. And finally you mentioned that Steve had then begun to say something incomprehensible and that you had cut him off because he was too drunk.

“So what did it sound like?” Natasha eventually asked, when you stopped talking all together. 

“What? Does that matter?” you asked, too quick. 

“You didn't cut him off for no reason” she countered with a smile. She was still trying to comfort you, while at the same time getting the truth from you. She knew how to balance those two perfectly. 

“He was beginning to say he loved me” you confessed after a few moments of silence. Once the words were out you slapped a hand over your mouth. This was the first time you had said the words out loud. The first time you had admitted even to yourself that those were the words he had uttered, or partially verbalized at least. 

Natasha sighed, a knowing smile on her face. She had not said a word as you told her the story. Only asking you to clarify his words at the end. Other than that she had only smiled and nodded at you. And now that you were done speaking, she barely responded at all. For a little while, she just looked at you. Prompting you to wonder if there was anything else you had to tell her. Was there anything else? Was it something Bucky might have said? Finally she sighed and squeezed your hands again, persuading you to look her in the eye once more. 

“So what did you do after you cut him off” she asked. Her voice calm. The expression on her face kind. 

“I...wished him and Bucky goodnight and went home” you said, thinking it wasn't too far a stretch, since you had walked out. You hadn't said another word, but you had gone home. Natasha obviously didn't buy it as she regarded your face sceptically. However, she didn't press any more. Allowing you the luxury of keeping your feelings locked up inside your mind. 

***

The next day the first exams started and you slaved away at the test, followed by more studying in the library. You had gotten a few good hours of work done by the time Steve found you. 

“Hey” he whispered as he sat down next to you and you immediately began to device a plan to quickly leave the place. Being around him made you nervous these days. He was too much. Too pretty. Too nice. Too confusing right now. 

“Are you avoiding me?” Steve asked a few minutes later and your head shot up at his words. Was your inability to manage your feelings really screwing up your friendship? Were you pushing him away more than the others? Yes, you were avoiding him. Just as you were avoiding Sam, Bucky and Natasha. Right? 

“No, at least not intentionally” Liar liar pants on fire, rang through your head, “I've just been so busy with studying. These exams might be the end of me” you added jokingly and offered him a smile, instantly dropping all plans to walk away from him in that moment. You could not bear the idea of hurting his feelings. 

“Now that would be a shame” he chuckled. 

“Why, would you miss me?” you asked, making sure to add a teasing tone in your voice in hopes that he would accept your explanation easier. 

“You have no idea” his eyes boring into yours made your heart skip another beat and you can't help but smile at him a little breathless. How was he able to take your breath away so easily? 

“I promise to hang out more once this week is over” you offered with another smile, having regained the ability to fill your lungs. Taking the time to stretch in your chair, you closed your eyes, not expecting an answer. You nearly fell backwards with your chair when you got one. 

“I'll hold you to that” he said earnestly and you wanted to say so much to him. The look in his eyes was so warm. So comforting. For a single second you allowed yourself to think that his drunken words had been true. The idea warmed your heart and immediately seemed to alleviate the stress in your body. The power of a silly idea, you thought to yourself as you steadied yourself and turned back to your books. Steve kissed your temple and opened his own books. 

As he worked, you sneaked a few glances in his direction. Admiring his face, while the sunlight that shone through the high windows played with his blond hair. He was too good looking. Very distracting. Sighing deeply you hoped for the next few days to go by fast. You really needed some time to yourself. Time to really ask yourself what you wanted, how you wanted to handle these feelings. You needed the upcoming holiday more than ever. 

So when it was finally time to close your books, grab a bag and fly back home, you were beyond relieved.   
The moment you sat down on your economy seat in the plane that would take you to the cold dwellings of your family, all stress about Steve left your body. 

A week away from school had never been this needed. Nor this relaxing. Normally all the hustle and bustle of Christmas was enough to put you on edge. This time however it was just what you needed as you could feel yourself relax after a few weeks of stressing over every little interaction you and Steve had. For one week he would pose no distraction. For one week you could try and forget him. Or perhaps to forget about your crush on him. That sounded better, since forgetting him was an impossible task all together. 

Forgetting was especially hard when he would send you a text, wishing you a merry Christmas. Or when he called, asking about the presents you had gotten this year. The conversation had been light and fun. He could so easily make you laugh. 

Over the week you began to entertain the idea that perhaps he liked you as well. You tried to look at all your interactions objectively, but knew quickly that this was useless. You weren't objective. Most likely you were just projecting your own feelings on him. But the idea that there might be something there would not shake off. And you could not deny that it was a nice idea. The fuzzy feelings it created in your heart were not bad feelings to have. 

And so the week where you hoped to avoid mixed messages and confusing feelings ended much like it had begun. The idea of Steve still rendering you speechless. And your heart still fluttering as you thought of his smile, his laughter, his kindness and his beautiful face. Why on earth did you have to befriend such a perfect specimen as a kid? And why on earth did it take you so many years to figure out just how amazing he was?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you get back to school, you know it is time to deal with your feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late, due to some very frustrating problems in transferring my work to my new computer (windows to Mac is no joke)
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy!

When you got back to school, you tried to get back to normal and you knew there were choices to make in order for that to happen. The feelings you had for Steve were not going to disappear any time soon, you knew that now. And it made no sense to keep denying them to yourself. Ignorance was not your friend. 

This created a few options for you to consider. One: Admit you feelings to Steve. Which would mean risking your friendship. Two: Simply pretend that feelings weren’t involved around your friends. This would not be easy, with the effects he seemed to have on you. However it felt like this held the least risk.All you risked was your own heart. 

In the back of your mind the idea that he too might feel more than simple friendship kept popping up, but you squashed it. Every single time. What other choice did you have really?   
It was a stubborn idea though. Resurfacing repeatedly.  
Whenever he would kiss your temple, or the top of your head, it would surge again. And you would tell yourself that these were normal things. Possibly even brotherly.   
And when he would look into your eyes a little too long, making you feel as if he saw right into your soul, you just told yourself that you were being silly. He wasn't looking a little too long, you were trying to see something that wasn't there. He wasn’t into you and this idea was just you fooling yourself. You were simply projecting. So you tried to control your breathing whenever he was near you, hoping to keep your heart rate under control as well. It wasn't easy, at moments it would drive you nuts. Yet, it allowed you be around him and that was enough of a reward for the time being. And having him hug you close during movie nights or laugh with you in your precious spare time, was enough. It would be enough. 

That was why, when the first big game of the second semester came around and he asked you to come and watch him play, you figured he had simply been trying to include you in something that the rest of your friends were already included in. After all the guys all played together, while Natasha would be on the side lines cheering them on with her team. 

As you made your way towards the field, students all around were getting rowdy. They were excited for the game, assuming that their team would win of course. They sang, laughed and made bold claims concerning the outcome of the upcoming match. You smiled as you took it all in. 

The stands were already filling up nicely when you reached them and you were glad to know that a seat would be saved for you. Natasha had asked you to sit close to her, for company.   
As you got closer, you noticed that a big portion of the cheerleaders were entertaining the crowds, while some of them stood in groups, talking amongst themselves.   
When they saw you coming, they smiled and welcomed you. Over the past few months you had come to know that they were all very nice. You returned the gesture as you walked up to Natasha, who was standing over by the stands, talking to Carol. She was also a cheerleader, you had met het quite early on in the year and learned that she was incredibly funny. Unfortunately for her, last game she had injured her foot and was unable to cheer right now.

“ Hi, Y/n. I saved you a seat” said Carol as she waved you over. Natasha turned to you with a bright smile. Natasha quickly moved in to hug you, momentarily stalling her conversation with Carol. You smiled and waved at Carol as soon as the hug ended and Natasha went back to informing Carol of certain changes that had been made to their routine that week. While she listened, Carol removed her bag from the seat next to her, allowing you to sit there.

Another thing you had learned a bout Carol, she was also very passionate about cheerleading and football. If she could’ve she would have joined the football team as well. You were certain she could easily keep up with the men. Surely her work-out regime would attest to that.  
Sitting down beside her as Natasha was called by her team for a performance, you quickly began talking about the results of the exams that had come out that week. Much like you Carol had passed all her exams, for which you were both very happy. It relieved so much stress. In case of Carol, though, it also added some stress. As a sophomore, it was time to decide a major to pursue. Like you, Carol had come to university with a clear idea of what she wanted. However as the time had progressed, she had begun to doubt herself and she was now considering her options. 

Soon the game started, effectively pulling Carol’s attention away from her major picking issues. Cheering along from her seat, with her teammates, she had little time for idle chitchat. You could not help but chuckle as you saw her immerse herself fully into encouraging the team. She watched the game intently, not noticing much of went on around her. 

With your attention drawn back to the game at hand, you wiped your clammy hands on your jeans. These games always made you nervous. He was good and you knew that it made him a target. You’d seen him bite the dust more than once before.   
Finally you followed Carol’s lead and turned your attention onto the field. Although your intense gaze was mostly directed at one person in particular. Smiling, you admired him as he ran the field, doing what he did best. He was fast, agile and strong. His throwing precision was surprisingly accurate, at least for someone who was happy to not create injuries by throwing. Your hand-eye coordination was nothing to boast about, unlike Steve’s obviously. 

The first quarter of the game went by rather uneventful. Not until the second quarter, did that change and the smile was wiped off your face. Steve was slammed hard and the entire audience let out a collective gasp as he went down. Your heart stopped beating for a moment as you waited for him to get up. It took all your will power not to run unto that field.   
Soon enough Steve jumped up, shaking hands with his attacker, laughing it off. He seemed no worse for wear, you realized as you tried to catch your breath, while he calmly jogged away from the scene of the incident. 

Breathing in deep and slowly exhaling, you willed your heart to beat resume its regular rhythm. Carol chuckled a little as she noticed your unease and rubbed your shoulders for a second, in an attempt to sooth you. She had no idea how much it really killed you to see him fall to the ground like time. 

Carol began applauding as the game started again, only one more play getting done before half time was called. You sighed once more as you watched him jog off the field with his team mates and then allowed yourself to be distracted by the cheerleaders dancing on the field. Your heart rate had returned to normal again and your hands were no longer damp with sweat triggered by fear. 

The rest of the game continued in very similar way. With you holding your breath, clenching your fists and anxiously counting the seconds, whenever Steve took another hit. And every time he got up laughing. The little shit had no idea what he was doing to you. He even winked at you, offering you a big smile as he ran by. You tried to answer with a smile of your own, but imagined it must have looked rather forced. He had not seemed to notice as his focus was back on the game. 

You’d never been into sports yourself and you didn’t really grow up watching much of it either. You had were not calloused enough to the practice of men running into one another and ploughing the other down. It all seemed so vicious.

The game was nearly over and it appeared that they were wiping the field with their visitors, when Steve took another hit. Silence took over the field as everyone watched with bated breath as the tall young man went down. As much as you wanted him to get up laughing, you had seen the hit. Saw the impact, as he was hit from behind. He had not seen it coming, most likely had not been able to brace himself for the fall. This attack had been much harder than the ones before. 

After what felt like forever, Steve got up from the ground and shook hands much like before, but the smile had been wiped from his face. There was a certain strain now and as Bucky ran over to check on him, you could feel your stomach clenching painfully as you kept eyeing him.   
Natasha caught your eye for a moment and scrunched up her face. She too had been more than a little shocked by the whole ordeal. 

After he seemingly had convinced Bucky and their coach that he was fine, the game continued. Yet the breath that had gotten stuck in your throat as you watched him fall, would not find a release and you took shallow gasps as you willed the game to finally end. It didn’t work, of course, but you kept trying anyway. 

When it finally did, you slumped a little in the seat, exhaling loudly and trying to steady your heart while Natasha walked over to you. She chuckled lightly, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood, as she reached you. You looked up at her quizzically and she shook her head, telling you that she could have been easily engrossed the entire match just by watching your face. You scoffed and she pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back soothingly.   
“I'm sure he's fine.” she whispered, soft enough that only you would hear her and you nodded feebly in agreement. 

After all he had walked off the field on his own. Bucky and Clint walked right besides him, ready to support him when needed. But he had not leaned on them. Surely he must have been just fine. Still, you could not shake the unnerving feeling you got when he had gotten up that last time. You’d seen the strain in his jaw. He had been in pain.

When all the cheerleaders left to their own changing room, Natasha followed. Before she did though, she told you once again that he was fine. Which you would know if you went to see for yourself. You smiled as you met her eyes, she knew you too well already. She had already realized that you would need to see him for yourself in order for the knot in your stomach to loosen. 

Waving as they walked off, you moved to the locker rooms, waiting right outside. As you waited, most of the team walked past you, saying their hello’s as they did so. Sam had taken a moment to wait with you, promising you that Steve was perfectly fine just a little banged up. Nothing the guy could not handle. Placating him, you had smiled and nodded before you explained to Sam that you were still going to wait for Steve to come out. Just for the fun of it, you’d said. He didn’t appear to believe you as he shook his head before waving off, telling you he was ready for bed now. The game had wiped him. Which didn’t surprise you one bit. It had been a rough game. The other team was good. And brutal.   
You hugged Sam tight for a moment, before wishing him happy dreams as he walked off. 

When Steve finally came out, everyone else had left well before. Bucky walked right beside him. Upon seeing you, Bucky smiled before going off to see Natasha. Steve smirked as he walked closer to you. You shook your head with a smile as you noticed his small limp. As soon as he stood before you, you also noticed the slight hunch and his arm placed protectively over his lower ribs. 

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again” you scolded him, making sure to keep your tone light, pretending to be at least somewhat joking. You weren’t. Not even a bit. Seeing him go down that last time had been far too scary. 

“Why?” He smirked, “would you miss me?” he said and you laughed as you thought back to a conversation you'd had a few weeks before. 

“You have no idea” you promised him with a warm smile and he moved to wrap an arm around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head as he so often seemed to do. He sighed deeply, holding you close a moment longer, before he began to walk towards the exit, pulling you with him. 

“I might need some looking after” he then said, as you neared his car, smiling sweetly at you. A little too sweetly, you noticed. What was he up too? 

“You just want to be pampered” you said with a chuckle and waited for him to get his keys from his bag. 

“Yes, definitely,” He paused a few second, “Also they fear I might have a slight concussion.” he said quickly, his words nearly jumbled together. But you had heard him loud and clear. 

“What?!” the words came out a shriek. The shock taking over your vocal cords. 

“Just a little one” he said, trying to make light of the situation. 

“There is no such thing you idiot” you bit back and smacked his arm angrily. Steve could not help but chuckle at your indignation, but stopped quickly and winced. You knew right then that his ribs were really hurting. He was usually much better at hiding his injuries. 

“Such an idiot” you muttered and got out your phone. Time to ask Natasha where she would be spending the night. As you had expected, she was spending the night with Bucky and you offered up your bed for him to sleep in, so you could keep an eye on him.   
“My place works too” Steve said and you considered which would be better. If he stayed with you, you could try and get some sleep in Natasha's bed. However, if you stayed over at his place, it would be either the couch or the floor. Neither seemed very comfortable options. You also didn’t think that they cleaned their floor thoroughly enough for your standards.

Upon sensing your apprehension, Steve was quick to argue that his bed would easily fit you both. It was also more comfortable than yours. You could not deny that last part. Your bed was not half as comfy as his was. What held you back was the idea of sharing a bed, even if it was to play nurse. It would be hard to keep your heart rate under control for such a long period. On the other hand, it was a nice idea. Even if there was nothing romantic about it. 

Finally he convinced you to stay over at his place, by offering Sam’s services for breakfast and the claiming that either of his roommates would take over his care in the morning, so you could get some sleep.  
Which, by the time morning came, was all you really wanted. Sleep. You were exhausted from having to wake Steve up every two hours. And in between the alarms, where he usually drifted off to sleep quite quickly, you were stuck watching his even breathing anxiously and a light slumber, never quite catching any real sleep. So when the seven o’clock alarm rang, you groaned loudly and slapped it silent, telling yourself ‘just one more minute’.   
Willing yourself to wake up, you noticed your movements were restricted by an arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to a warm muscular body. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you lay completely still wondering what the best course of action was while also enjoying the feeling a little. 

In his sleep, Steve had apparently hugged you close and with the exhaustion taking over, you hadn't noticed until the alarm finally woke you up. It struck you how nice it felt. His warm body enveloping your own. His strong arm keeping you close.   
When he finally moved a moment later, his nose brushed your jawline as he pressed his head in the crook of your neck while he slowly woke up. You nearly stopped breathing all together. Your heart was racing, your mind utter chaos and you couldn’t think. Was he aware of what he was doing? 

“Morning” he whispered and kissed your cheek before rolling onto his back. He threw an arm over his eyes as he stretched, tired after his much interrupted sleep, a smile playing on his lips. And you were rendered completely speechless.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as you are allowing yourself to feel these feelings, you realize that there might be someone else in play.

Walking along the courtyard with a bright smile gracing your features, you basked in the warming light of the sun as it shone down upon you. Classes were over for the week, you were nearly done with your assignments for the following week and there would be another party tonight. Life was good. 

A sigh left your mouth as you rounded the corner towards the library, a happy one that helped relax your shoulders. This last week had been good. Things between you and Steve were a little strange, but good.You’d spend nearly every waking moment together and you allowed yourself to think that perhaps you weren’t the only one with feelings that went beyond friendship.   
Instead of squashing those ideas as you had done so many times since Christmas, you basked in them, allowing them to lift your spirits. There had to be more right? You hadn't spoken a word about last weekend, about waking up in his arms, but if it had felt wrong for him he would not have awoken with such a smile would he? Part of you was scared to talk about it. Afraid that doing so would pop the wonderful, possibly ignorant, bubble the two of you had been in since that night. Or the bubble you were in at least. In any case, you were content with not discussing it. 

If you were reading too much into it, it would break your heart. It would be such a sour pill to shallow after allowing yourself to feel it all, after allowing yourself to dream so fully and without restrictions. So you stayed mum on the subject, hoping he would eventually give you an indication on what he felt. 

Just as you were about to open the door and enter the dark rooms of the library, someone stormed out of the door, pushing you aside. The girl quickly apologized, before running off. You could just hear the sob as it left her mouth before she walked further away from you. Feeling sorry for her, you watched her walk across the courtyard. Finally she walked into one of the dorms and disappeared from your sight. With a small smile in the direction she had just walked, you sighed and turned around to finally enter the library, as had been your plan all along.

That was when you saw Steve. His blond hair, golden in the sunshine. His white shirt a little too tight, giving you a wonderful view, as it stretched over his torso. He was talking to someone just hidden from your view. Though he was too far away to hear the words that were said, his laughter was clear as day. Whoever it was, pulled it from him and for a moment you were jealous. His laughter was contagious, and you could not help but smile as you observed him a moment longer. His muscles moved as he waved his arms, telling an animated story to whoever stood behind him. You always liked to watch him tell stories. He was so passionate, talking with his whole body as the words would eloquently leave his mouth. Although, not always eloquently, you had to admit, he cursed like a sailor. And if you got him flustered, the words would get jumbled. It never failed to make you smile. 

Then he bend down and kissed the cheek of the person that finally came into view. A girl. And your heart seemingly stopped beating all together. You didn't recognize her. She was pretty. Tall, blonde, with a brilliant smile. Her posture was near perfect, like a ballerina. And she moved with a certain grace as she placed a hand on his arm and smiled up at him once more. 

Jealousy grew like a monster inside of you, tearing at your insides. And you weren't sure if you should laugh or cry when he turned around and noticed you. He waved in your direction, before placing a hand on the woman's back and guiding her in your direction. There was no way to avoid them now. Was she the reason for his happy demeanour this week? Could it be that it had nothing to do with you? Had you really allowed yourself to be fooled by your emotions? Your mood soured instantly and you fought hard not to show it too much as they got closer. 

“Y/n, this is Pepper”, Steve said once he stood before you, the smile still on his face. 

“Hi” you said, schooling your expression in what you hoped would be a kind one. Certain that the smile on your lips did not reach your eyes. As per usual Steve noticed the discrepancy in your behaviour and you were quick to claim fatigue, hoping that would put the issue to rest. He seemed to accept it as a viable excuse. 

“Aren't you in psychology 101?” asked Pepper, clearly trying to steer the conversation into clearer waters as she viewed your stiff attitude. She seemed nice enough as she smiled at you. Or down at you, she was tall as a runway model. She could be one, in your opinion.   
Had she not spoken, you would have turned, escaping the situation. However, you knew that would be rude and that was something you would never be. Silently cursing your parents for instilling these values in your brain, you smiled kindly back at her before nodding. You fought back a defeated sigh. Life apparently wasn't as good as you had thought it to be. 

“I thought I recognized you” she added, the kind open smile still on her face. 

“Are you in it too? I haven't seen you” you were certain it sounded rude, but you were genuinely confused. Had you truly missed her? Yet, instead of taking offence, Pepper chuckled and shook her head, her blonde hair moving like cascading waves over her shoulder. It looked really soft. Unintentionally your hand moved through your own hair. 

“No, I'm in the one right after. I took 101 last year” she explained, her voice clear, calm. Of course; she was a year older. She looked much more put together than you did. Or at least you thought she did. Glancing down at your apparel of the day, you chastised yourself for not picking a better outfit that morning. You hadn’t given your outfit much thought at all. Simply slipping it on as you moved quickly to get to class in time. 

“Really? I'm sorry. I'll be sure to keep an eye out next time” you hoped the smile you returned didn't look as fake as it felt. Pepper certainly seemed to think so as she kept smiling and bid the both of you goodbye, leaving you with a sour taste in your mouth. 

As soon as she had left, you were quick to say your goodbye and leave as well, citing the need to study. You turned around and walked into the study hall behind you, before Steve could say anything and he looked after you a little confused by your rapid departure. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you looked for a place to sit in the Friday afternoon crowd. Surely there would be a spot where you would be able to hide away for a little bit. You walked the length of the building, searching and willing the tears not to fall. You managed to finally find a place behind a large cabinet and sat down, breathing heavily when the first tear fell. You felt so incredibly stupid. 

From where you now sat, people would easily look right past you, only finding you if they were looking. With that in mind you allowed yourself a moment to shed the tears that were burning your eyes. You had nobody to blame but yourself here. Once again, you had allowed yourself to believe something that wasn’t true. You had only wanted it to be so.   
Finally you calmed yourself, took a sip of water, ate a banana and grabbed your books. It was time to get to work, perhaps get your mind of the sadness that was your life. 

More than one hour later you groaned loudly as you regarded the work you had managed so far.   
You were slumped low over the desk, glaring at the books before you, angry that none of the information on the pages seemed willing to seep into your brain. You'd been looking at the same pages for a while now and no matter how often you read the words, none of them made any sense. It all seemed gibberish, as your tired mind could not keep from going over the kiss he had given Pepper. Surely it was innocent enough. But she was too pretty, to ease your mind with the innocence of the action. You tried to tell yourself that he kissed your temple and head often enough as well, but it did not quell the unease growing in your stomach. 

Grumbling, you pushed the books away from yourself and leaned back into your chair, closing your eyes. You were so lost in your thoughts that you hardly noticed someone moving closer to you. 

“That does not look like someone nailing the assignment” Natasha's voice was close and it took you by surprise, causing you to jump with an embarrassing shriek. All around you people shushed you and Natasha chuckled as she sat down next to you, rubbing your back soothingly to help you recover from the shock she had caused you. 

“Little jumpy are we” she spoke softly now and turned her head sideways a little as she tried to size you up. You could not help but sigh as your heartbeat returned to normal. 

“What's on your mind?” she wanted to know and though reluctant, you began to tell her just what was weighing on your mind. Asking her if she had ever heard of Pepper. Wondering out loud if Steve was sweet on her, before pretending that it really didn’t matter either way.   
Natasha's face as she chuckled seemed one of pity and with your brows furrowed in confusion, you stared back at her. 

“You like him” she stated simply. There was no question in her tone. 

“Of course, he's my dearest friend” you weakly began. 

“No,” she cut you off, “ you like him” emphasize was put on the word like, “and you're jealous.” 

You looked at her in silence and she just stared back with sympathy clear in the smile on her face. There was no point in denying it any longer. Finally you understood that it was time to open up to your friend about the feelings that had been plaguing you for a while now. Besides, you knew Natasha would not buy into a rejection of the fact. She knew. She had known, you realized. 

“I...” you muttered, “I can't,” the words were hard to get out, “ he's my best friend”. 

“He is. And you do” she spoke matter-of-factly. She left you no room to wiggle. 

“But...” you tried weakly, before giving up and dropping your head on the table before with a groan.

“But what?” she asked and began rubbed her hand on your back soothingly again. 

“But Pepper, he likes her” you stated, as if it were a fact. 

“And you are sure of this?” Natasha pressed. She had heard your retelling loud and clear. 

“I...no, yes. I don't know” Natasha smiled as you uttered the words and you moved yourself upright again to look at her. You needed her advice on this. And perhaps her shoulder to cry on. 

“You won't know until you ask” she shrugged simply. 

“I can’t” you stated and she raised an eyebrow, regarding your reluctance. 

“Fine, then I will” she said and seemed keen on the idea. Dread filled your mind and you opened and closed your mouth many times, no sound coming out. 

“Tonight, at the party” Natasha added with a smile, informing you instantly that the dreaded moment where she would, was closer than you could have possibly imagined. 

“Wait? Party?” 

“The one we were invited too weeks ago...” she barked out a laugh, “Thor's Birthday” she helped remind you. 

A proverbial light bulb went on in your head. That was tonight. Earlier that morning you had even picked out an outfit and yet it had now completely slipped your mind. Natasha began closing your books, stating that it was time to get ready. Promising she would work on your homework with you, later that weekend. Reluctantly you followed her back to your shared dorm room. 

There, in the safety of your room, Natasha worked hard on boosting your confidence. Telling you, you were beautiful, as you tried on your outfit, which suddenly felt too plain. She told you that Steve would be a fool not to see the catch that you were, and she was sure he wasn’t a one. After that she informed you that she had always thought that there was something more between the two of you. She could see it. And according to her, so could Bucky.   
It didn't matter though, you were far too nervous to really hear her. So eventually she decided on some liquid courage. Sharing a few shots with you before even going to the party. Hoping to get your mind more relaxed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liquid courage is a dangerous thing.

By the time you got to the party, a few hours later, you were already a little tipsy. Your mood had improved greatly, because of it and you stood tall as you glanced around the room. Greeting Thor, accepting the cocktail he and Clint had created for the night, you made your way in. You had decided to have fun and with Natasha’s help, that would be easy to accomplish.

Wincing as you took a sip of the suspicious brew, you looked back at Clint who was already laughing. Taking the glass from you, he explained that they had simply put every single thing in it that they could think off. One glass was enough to get you drunk. You laughed and passed on any more of it, Clint quickly downed the liquid with a smirk. No question needed to know how he intended to spend this party. You shook your head at his retreating back and saw how he handed a drink to everyone that entered. Most people shared your wince as they sipped it, making Thor and Clint laugh a little louder every time. 

“I am so not cleaning up after him” startled by the voice, you whipped around to find Scott looking at a laughing Clint. He was Clint’s roommate and you could not help but feel a little bad for him. Natasha, however, didn’t. She laughed loudly as she playfully patted his shoulder, wishing him luck. Then she pulled you along to the makeshift bar at the far end of the room. 

You were yet to see either Steve or Pepper, but as you downed the shot Natasha handed you, you realised it didn’t matter for now. A limping Carol quickly joined your the bar, while some of the players stunted with her crutches. 

All three of you laughed loudly as you watched Sam trying to trip Bucky with them, ending with Sam throwing them at Thor, as he quickly ran from a disgruntled Bucky while laughing loudly. Thor easily caught them and being the gentleman he is, he handed them back to Carol and helped her over to one of the couches, shooing away the people already sitting there. Chuckling at his antics, you moved to join Carol on the couch.   
Before following you, Natasha quickly grabbed some glasses and a bottle of vodka. It wasn’t long after that, when tipsy was a distant memory. Even you could tell that you were now absolutely drunk. Getting up from the couch and dancing and singing along with the music that blasted loudly from the large speakers, you were thoroughly enjoying yourself, momentarily forgetting all the troubles that had plagued your mind that afternoon. 

Somewhere during the night, Natasha latched on to Bucky, demanding he took her home. She had been trying to seduce him for the better part of hour already and while he looked highly amused, it did not seem to truly be working. Apparently, drunk Natasha did not win from sober Natasha in Bucky’s book.   
Giving in to er demands, he laughed loudly at her shrill screaming laughter, when he pulled her over his shoulder. They waved goodbye and Bucky took off jogging towards the exit. You waved back at them with a smile and kept dancing. By now you barely even registered who were around you anymore. 

By the time you found yourself stumbling to a bathroom that did not have a massive line, you had lost track of time completely. Your legs were wobbly as you walked and fatigue seemed to suddenly take over your body. Why was it, that going to the bathroom was the best way to figure out just how wasted you were? As you peed, the room seemed to move with you, as if you were on a boat and you knew it was time to go home. Smart enough to know that you were too far gone to walk home alone, you wondered who would be able to get you home. You had not seen Steve in at least one hour, Clint was way worse than you and so was Sam, last time you checked. Perhaps one of the cheerleaders was sober enough to walk together. Otherwise safety in numbers was still a thing. 

As you walked back to Carol, she was quick to remind you that Bucky and Natasha were out as well. She also informed you that Clint was not just drunk, he was already hugging the toilet as you spoke. Laughing loudly you looked around at your friends. None of them seemed even remotely sober. 

So despite the short distance between this dorm and your own, you pondered a taxi. Before you could make a call, though, Sam jumped up behind you. And that was literal. His hands were placed on your shoulders, as he tried to get as high as he could. In his mind he was probably getting himself a piggy-bag ride, but in your current state, all you were able to do was collapse to the ground as his actions made you loose your balance. Laughing loudly, you tried to brace yourself for the fall. A loud thump behind you, told you Sam had already fallen down, yet you were still up. Slightly confused you glanced down and saw two strong arms around your waist, holding you up. 

Still laughing loudly, you looked up to meet those beautiful blue eyes as Steve helped you back on your feet. Exclaiming loudly that he was your hero, you quickly kissed his cheek, before bending down and trying to help Sam up.   
That last part proved to be difficult, as neither of you could stop laughing long enough to make any real effort. Eventually Steve pulled him to his feet, shaking his head as laughter rumbled in his chest. You smiled as you felt the laughter through the hand you still held on his chest. 

“Maybe it’s time to go home” Steve was careful to suggest. You were about to agree when Sam’s loud voice interrupted you. 

“Yes, I was just about too” He said loudly and Steve shook his head. 

“I meant Y/n, but sure I can get you home too” Steve chuckled, about to direct the two of you to the nearest exit, when an auburn haired beauty cut in, taking Sam’s hand. He smiled broadly as he looked at her and you realised this was the woman he had been spending so much of his time with. 

“How about I take him, you take her” she offered with a kind smile. 

“You’re his girlfriend” you shouted at her and she laughed, holding out her hand and introducing herself as Wanda. 

Letting excitement take over, you told her all about how Sam smiled when he spoke of her. And though he seemed slightly embarrassed, he did not stop you from speaking. Wanda smiled as red tinged her cheeks. Steve explained that you weren’t usually so crass, but there was no lie to your words. You smiled with a shrug, winking at Sam, which he returned with a nod. The two of you giggling as a result. 

“Let’s go” Steve said, holding out his hand for you to take. You smiled mischievously and ignored his hand, wrapping your arms around his waist instead, holding him close as you stood by his side. He chuckled at your proud smile and began steering you towards the nearest exit. Sam and Wanda right behind you. Once outside, you said your goodbyes. You and Sam waving enthusiastically at one another, shouting loudly, as you both went in different directions. Your laughter only growing louder as both Steve and Wanda tried to shush you. Finally, Wanda guided Sam around a corner and as he was from your sight, you quieted and turned your attention towards Steve with a bright smile. 

“Thanks for getting me home” The silence of the night, made you more aware of the struggle you felt to get the words out right. Your tongue felt like it had a life of its own, making talking difficult. Still you thought it was important to thank the man next to you. 

“Anything for you” Steve smiled, as he looked into your eyes and you fought the urge to touch his face. That was weird right? Before you could reconsider the moment passed and you were already close to your dorm. 

You began to frantically feel your pockets for your keys, worried you had forgotten them or worse, lost them. It took you a while to remember that you had a small bag hanging from your shoulder. Embarrassed you opened the zipper and took out your keys, nearly dropping your phone in the process. Steve took your keys and the bag, returning the phone before closing the zipper. Then he wrapped his arm around your waist again and after opening the door, guided you inside. 

“You're always taking care of me” you whispered and he momentarily stopped walking to press the button for the small elevator to come down. Normally you wouldn’t take the elevator, but in your current state it seemed the best choice. 

As you waited Steve turned you sideways in his arm, facing you and placed a hand gingerly on your chin. Staring you deeply in the eyes, before speaking again. 

“I will always take care of you” he said, his voice calm and steady, while the intensity of his gaze took your breath away and shook you to your core. Your eyes grew big as you stared back at him, wondering just what he was trying to tell you beyond his words. Finally you smiled and let out a content sigh. 

“I like that” you whispered and wrapped your arms around his waist, snuggling in close. He sighed as he pulled his arms tight around you, holding you as close as he possibly could. Kissing the top of your head he softly repeated the word 'always', before pulling back and stating that he was getting you to your room and in your bed. 

“Oooooohhh” you giggled suggestively, suggesting he put a rush on it. He shook his head with a chuckle and entered the elevator pressing the number for your floor. 

By the time you stood in front of your room, you were frantic again. Where were your keys? Again you checked all your pockets, but came up empty. Steve laughed as he watched you and you turned in his arm, confused. Losing your keys wasn't funny. However, as soon as you saw that he was still holding them in his hand you could not help but giggle. You were really drunk. 

Smacking yourself on the forehead, you pulled him in for another hug. Thanking him once more for making sure you got home safely. For always being there and for being so good to you. Steve just smiled as you did so, not removing himself from your arms. Finally you pulled back slightly, looking up at his face and noticing just how close he was. You smiled brighter as you placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it gently. Another moment passed as you simply looked in his eyes, neither of you backing off or diverting attention. 

Feeling courageous, be it the alcohol or the moment, you took a risk you would surely regret in the morning. However, in your drunken state there was no such thing as tomorrow’s worries.   
Glancing at his beautiful plumb lips, before turning your gaze back to his eyes, you wondered how those lips would feel against your own. You smiled, and he smiled back. And then you crashed your mouth on his. 

His lips were soft as you moved yours languidly over them. Your hand now placed on the back of his head, playing with the strands of hair it found there. Leaning into him as you moaned softly. This was better than you had dreamed off.  
The kiss was wet, gentle and probably a little wetter than it would have been if you had been sober. There was no rush and it seemed to last forever. 

You could feel his hands on your waist, gripping you tightly, his fingers brushing the skin it touched, softly. It created goosebumps all over and you relished in the feeling as a smile made it’s way to your lips.   
Finally, you needed to come up for air and you smiled a little dazed as you looked into his eyes again. 

Then you took your keys from his hand, pecked his lips quickly and turned to open your door. From the open door you wished him good night, thanked him again and with a big smile still present on your face you closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the only chapter I can post this weekend. Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital to get a bunch of tests done. The testing itself won't last too long, but the meds will make me drowsy for a day or two.   
> And since I still need to write at least 80% of the next chapter, I will need some time. 
> 
> Sorry about that, I had hoped to have this finished before the hospital, but this story got away from me. It really is nothing like the simple short thing I had envisioned originally. Though I like this version better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to face the consequences of a night of drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is twice as long as others because it was originally two chapters. I just didn't want to keep you waiting any longer.

“Oh god,” you grumbled as you slowly woke to the harsh light of day. Pulling a pillow over your head you tried to block out the blinding sun and the scratching sound of Natasha's pen on paper. You could hear her chuckle as you moved around and grumbled some more in response to the sound. Your head was pounding and your mouth felt incredibly dry. How much did you have to drink last night?  
Slowly getting out from under the covers, while holding your throbbing head with your hands, you began to open your eyes carefully. Hopefully the slow movement allowed your eyes the much needed time to adjust to the bright light that shone beyond your eyelids. You were quick to notice that the curtains were still closed, only a small sliver of sun peaking through them. So why on earth did it feel like you were staring straight into the sun? 

Natasha stood up from her desk on the other end of the room and quickly handed you a bottle of water, along with some painkillers. With a grateful smile you quickly accepted them. As you swallowed them down, the memories of the night before were slowly coming back to you. It took a few moments to remember the way your night had ended. 

Gasping when the memories hit you, you immediately sat up straight with eyes wide as saucers. You had kissed him. What had gotten into you? Had you completely lost your mind? How could you be so stupid? He was your best friend, and he had been for so long. And after missing him for for all those years, you had only just gotten him back. So why did you have to mess that up? There was no taking this back. How would you ever dare to face him again after this? 

The look of horror on your face alarmed your roommate, who had just sat back down at her desk. Cautiously she regarded you as different emotions flashed over your features. 

“Y/n?” Natasha began softly, “what happened?” She wondered with concern as she moved to sit next to you on your bed. She hastily looked you over and saw nothing to warrant the look of fright on your face and she worried. 

“I was really drunk” you muttered still flabbergasted by your actions the previous night and you stared at Natasha with the horror of it visible in your eyes. She looked back at you with confusion on her face. You knew she was quickly calculating the options that could have possibly horrified you to this extend. 

“No really? I could hardly tell with all then so quiet stumbling you when you came into our room,” she agreed with a laugh, possibly trying to lighten the mood. The laughter did not reach her eyes as she kept a watchful eye on you. 

“Sorry” you grimaced, but she waved it off with a smile. 

“I did a thing” you whispered cryptically, finding it hard to say just what you had done. 

“A thing?” Worry was no longer the main emotion on Natasha’s face. By now she was mostly curious as to what it could have possibly been to make you this appalled by something you had apparently done yourself. She knew you as someone who was far too calculated to truly act stupid. You never truly lost control, only letting loose to a certain extend. 

“Oh god, I'm such an idiot,” you groaned and hid your face behind your hands, eliciting a more sincere laugh from Natasha as she peeled your hands away from your face. 

“What happened?” She pressed, holding your hand in hers and squeezing it comfortingly. She wanted you to open up to her and you knew you could. However you were so horrified by your own actions, that it was hard to admit to anyone. 

“I kissed him” you finally blurted out, slapping your hand over your mouth as soon as the words came out. With wide eyes you stared at your friend, wondering what she would say about your colossal mistake. 

“Who?” Natasha was confused. It immediately struck you that she had no way of knowing who you were talking about. When she had left the night before, you had been surrounded by the remaining cheerleaders. There had been nobody you were even remotely interested in, in sight. She had obviously assumed you would be okay. And why not? Even if you had been too drunk to refrain yourself, Carol would have looked out for you. If only she knew that you had left Carol behind when you wanted to go home. And Carol had not worried, for you had been with Steve. Everyone knew just how close the two of you were. He’d never hurt you, or allow anyone else to do so. 

“Steve” pulling your pillow up to your face, you screamed into it loudly, causing Natasha to laugh loudly. You quickly dropped the pillow and slapped her arm, angry that she would laugh at you at such a difficult time. This was serious. You had just screwed it all up, you needed her help. Not her ridicule. 

“Fine, sorry. I’ll stop laughing” she promised rubbing her arm and fighting to keep the laughter in, “I just fail to see how that’s a bad thing.”  
You looked at her, agitated by the situation and by Natasha’s reaction to it. How could she not understand that this was bad. So very bad. 

“You fail…” words failed you as you mulled over her words. 

He was your best friend. And you might have just ruined everything. And that was exactly what you told her. She smiled as she listened to you, as you told her all that you had thought would go wrong now. How you had lost his friendship. And in turn it would lose you hers as well. After all, she was dating Bucky. And they would grow apart quickly, if you and Steve would not be able to be around one another. 

“You are so worried that you ruined it, but what if he wants this too?” Natasha countered and you scoffed. Why on earth would he? He could have anyone. He could probably have Pepper. 

“Did he kiss you back?” Natasha added when you didn’t respond beyond the scoff. You frowned as her question sunk in. You tried to remember how he had responded. It had all happened so fast. You had kissed him, pulled him close. And then you had just closed the door on him.

“I…No…Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” You finally muttered after some silence. You really couldn’t remember. You thought he had kissed you back, but you had been so drunk. Had you remembered it correctly? Or had you once again read too much into the situation? It would not be the first time. 

Natasha only gave you a pointed look, one that told you she did not really believe you. You wondered what she was thinking. Did she believe he had or that he wouldn’t have? You were about to ask her when her phone rang and she apologised before she went to pick it up. 

Natasha held the phone to her ear and spoke in hushed tones to whoever was on the other end of the call. You figured it was Bucky and wondered if Steve had told him about what had happened. If so, you weren’t sure you wanted to hear what they were talking about. As it was, the chaos going on in your head was too loud to really register any of it anyway. 

After a few minutes, Natasha hung up and moved back to sit on the edge of your bed again. Holding your hand in hers again, she gently moved her thumb over the back of it in a soothing manner. She smiled and you smiled back, though it may have come out more of a grimace, you weren’t entirely sure. She chuckled, before pulling you into a big hug. 

“It’ll all be alright” she said softly. You just nodded feebly, hoping she was right. 

Eventually it was decided- meaning you refused to budge- that you would allow yourself a day or two to let the storm of emotions wind down a little before you would confront your fears and talk to Steve. Natasha thought it would be better to do it right away, like pulling of a band-aid. But she wasn’t going to force her opinion onto you. 

***

Three days. That’s how long it had been since the party. And the amount of days you had spend avoiding anyone and everyone, especially Steve. Natasha kept telling you to talk to him, convinced that it could never be as bad as you had made it in your mind. You didn’t listen to her. In fact, you were now even avoiding her. Leaving the room as early as possible and not returning until she was asleep. Today though, as you tried to sneak into your bed, she had clearly been waiting for you, quickly turning on a light as soon as you were ready to turn in. 

Natasha’s face resembled that of your mother when you had disappointed her. And she was. Disappointed and angry. You could not blame her and felt shame take hold on your mind and your features as Natasha explained that she only wanted to help you. Yet here you were, avoiding her. You could tell it was hurting her. She was your friend. And she had been nothing but a good friend. Had your back when needed. Made you laugh, held you as you cried. She really had been great to you. 

So when she asked you to accompany her and Bucky for breakfast the next morning, you had felt guilty enough to agree. It really wasn’t fair to push everyone away, just because you messed things up. 

Which was why you laid awake now, pondering all your decisions. And boy, did the night last long. The minutes ticked by slowly as you went over the kiss in your mind time and time again. When the sun finally started rising, you had convinced yourself that Steve had not kissed you back. He had simply been stunned by your actions, rendering him immobile.  
Sighing you got up and got ready for a shower. Time to get ready for the day. 

Two hours later, Natasha woke up as well, the day finally beginning. She smiled as she saw you waiting, fully clothed and sitting on your bed, and quickly got dressed herself. That was when she dropped the bombshell of information that she had neglected to tell you about the night before. 

The two of you were supposed to pick up Bucky at his place. 

It was probably a good thing that you had not known. You would have worried even more than you already had. Natasha said that Sam had promised to take Steve with him on his run that morning, leaving the apartment empty, aside from Bucky. Shallowing thickly, you nodded, trying to convince yourself that you weren’t walking towards your own doom. After all, it was only Bucky. Something inside of you was screaming, telling you to aboard mission. Sensing that this could only go wrong. Still, the guilt of avoiding Natasha won out. Deep inside, you were well aware that avoiding Steve would not work for very long. Eventually you would have to face him and face the consequences of what you had done. But it was so very enticing to put it off for as long as you could. Which was why you kept asking Natasha if she was sure. And she kept giving the same answer. She had talked it over at length with Bucky and he would make sure Steve left with Sam. 

The walk to the apartment wasn’t too long. During the weekend, you would have taken the car. However on a weekday, traffic would only stall your efforts to grab a nice breakfast off campus. So you walked. The sun was shining down on you, blasting heat in the early hour. It wasn’t even eight o’clock and yet the temperature was already surpassing 70 degrees. This was going to be a warm day. Your bright coloured sundress blew in the slight breeze and you could practically see the water, that had still been in Natasha’s hair after her shower, evaporating.  
Natasha was chatting away about the fast approaching summer and you had to remind her that it was only just spring. She laughed and wondered aloud if the sun had gotten that memo. You chuckled and shook your head. 

Upon reaching the apartment, Bucky was already downstairs waiting for you with a bright smile on his face. Offering each of you an arm to hold, the three of you walked over to the dinner where Bucky had made his wonderful first impression. He was all smiles and pleasant conversation as he held out chairs for you. Obviously he was making the most if this opportunity. Natasha and you just regarded it all with a smile. 

The food came quick and as you all ate, both you and Natasha had no problem reminding the man with you of his past mistake. Bucky just laughed, not even trying to defend himself. All in good fun, you tried to make him sweat a little. And the entire time both Natasha and Bucky avoided the subject, you knew they really wanted to talk about. Before you knew it an hour had past by and it was time to get back to campus.  
“So Y/n,” Bucky began seemingly uncertain as you walked out of the diner, “Are we going to talk about it?” 

“I…” you didn’t know how to answer him. You looked at the ground as you kept walking back to campus. He easily kept up with you, accepting your silence as uncertainty. 

“Come over after dinner” Bucky asked when you neared the campus and you hesitated, before remembering that Tuesday evening was when Steve had a small study group. They would meet in the library. Leaving the apartment as a safe space for you to enter. Though you did not agree immediately, you promised to think it over before saying goodbye and going to class. 

***  
It was nearly eight o’clock that evening and the sun had set a little while ago, the sky was clear and stars were slowly beginning to show themselves. The early morning breeze had been swapped for a more chilly wind, as it had picked up speed during the day and you wrapped yourself tightly in your jacket as you walked the same route that you had taken twelve hours previous. Natasha again right beside you, ever the calming presence. Her hand held yours as you took up a brisk pace in the cooling evening air. As you walked up to the apartment, Sam opened the door, immediately stepping out to hug you close. It occurred to you only then, that he knew what was going on. Of course he knew. He was the guy you could always talk too. It only made sense that Steve would have turned to him. If you had not been avoiding his roommate, you might have done the same. Sighing as you leaned into the embrace, you allowed him to calm you a little before stepping into the apartment. Your inner turmoil made you miss the look shared between Sam and Natasha. Unlike that morning, you had not felt impending doom as you had walked over, fully expecting to find Steve gone at this moment. The shock was therefore all the greater, when you stepped over the threshold, Sam and Natasha unintentionally blocking your way out, and met those beautiful blue eyes of Steve. This was not what you had been expecting. Your fight or flight response taking over, it rendered you speechless and frozen in place. Shocked or perhaps more surprised, you stared at him without saying a word and he wasn’t much better. He too looked surprised, but the bright smile on his face as he looked your way, told you that he had not been avoiding you. It had been very one-sided. 

Natasha nudged you gently, getting you to move further into the apartment and without much thought you did. Still unable to speak you walked all the way up to Steve, stopping right in front of him, still staring as you could feel a heat rise on your face that most likely left it beet red. 

For a long moment there was total silence all around the apartment. Nobody said a single word as the two of you just stared at one another. Eventually the sound of an ambulance driving by, shook Natasha out of her trance and she quietly ushered Sam and Bucky out of there, leaving you to talk in peace, no outside interference.  
You barely noticed that they left. It was only when Natasha promised to come back in one hour, that you took notice of her again. Stunned you just glanced her way and nodded, she offered you an encouraging smile and close the door behind her with a soft click. 

Steve took a deep breath, the trance he had been in fully evaporated, and stepped into the kitchen on his lefthand side. There he opened the fridge and took out two bottles of water, handing you one. Slowly you made your way to the couches and sat down, one on each couch. Still no word had been uttered. 

“So….” Steve began feebly. You smiled, unsure what to say when Steve continued, “You’ve been avoiding me” 

“I..” How did someone respond to such a statement when there was no lie in it? State the obvious? Try to lie anyway? 

“I’m sorry” you finally offered after some silence, “ I just didn’t know how to face you” when in doubt honesty was the best course of action. At least, according to your mother and you just hoped she was right. Steve just frowned as he listened to your words, remaining quiet for a while afterwards. 

“Why?” He finally asked and you stared at him in confusion. How on earth did he not get why it would be awkward and uncomfortable? 

“Why? Because I…” you still found it hard to say the words and own up to the action that could’ve possible ruined everything between the two of you. 

“Kissed me” Steve finished the sentence, looked down at his sock covered feet. 

“YES!” You exclaimed a little too loud, happy that you didn’t have to say it yourself. Blushing at your own exclamation, you quickly took a gulp off the water in your hand, trying to buy yourself some time to recover from the embarrassment. 

“Was it that horrible?” His voice was soft and he seemed so insecure that you wanted to jump up from your seat and wrap your arms around him. It was beyond you that a guy like him could be so unaware of the effect he had on women. 

“What? No. Of course not. But I should not have done it” you were quick to explain as you forced yourself to remain seated, you legs restless from the stress you were experiencing.

“Why not” he voice still soft, he looked up from the floor, meeting your eyes for the first time since the conversation started. 

“Because you like Pepper” wasn’t that obvious? You really hadn’t meant to put him in such a position. 

“Wait what? Pepper?” Steve was surprised, obviously and the timidness seemed to fade a little. 

“Don’t deny it,” you sighed, “I saw you two talking remember, there was something there” you offered, hoping to make it easier for him to admit it. 

“What are you talking about?” Steve still looked incredibly surprised. Or was it confusion you saw on his features? Annoyed you sighed once more. You really didn’t want to talk about his crush on another woman. 

“ The kiss, her hand on your arm.” You stated a little irritated. Why was he acting so oblivious? 

“ She was thanking me” Steve too got annoyed now and threw his hands out, as if it should have been so obvious. His foot was tapping rapidly on the floor and you could sense the agitation radiating off of him in waves. You raised an eyebrow at his words, sure she was you thought. 

“For setting her up with Tony” he added upon seeing your disbelieving face. He stood up now, the agitation making him restless and he needed to move. 

“ What? Who?” You’d heard the name before, but could not quite remember when or where. 

“The guy who did the music for Thor’s party. Remember him?” He asked and you nodded, picturing the senior that hung out with Clint and Thor from time to time. 

“He had a crush on Pepper, so I played matchmaker” Steve continued, “She was thanking me, because the date had been a success.” 

“ I…Oh” what else was there to say. So he wasn’t into Pepper. Of course that did not necessarily help you one bit. He still wasn’t into you. 

You both remained silent for a few minutes after that. Steve pacing the room, while you inspected your hands with a newfound interest, picking at your nails angrily. You didn’t know what else to say now and nothing had really been resolved. You could feel Steve’s friendship slipping through your fingers with every passing moment and it was tearing at your insides. 

“Is that the only reason you regret kissing me?” Steve suddenly asked and he stepped closer to you. When you didn’t respond immediately, he sat down next to you, turning his body sideways to face you. You remained impassive, staring at your hands. Finally he took your hands in his, squeezing them, making you look up at him. Emotions were bubbling and you knew it was only a matter of time before you would start crying. You didn’t want to cry, not right now, not in front of Steve. Then he would see just how much this did to you and he would know how you felt. Once he knew you liked him as more than a friend, your friendship would be truly over. 

“I just…” struggling to find the right words as he stared into your eyes, you stopped and took a deep breath. Time to face the music. Time to fess up. 

“ I don’t want to lose you” you finally said, the first tear falling down your face. Pulling a hand from his grip, you hastily and angrily wiped it away. Why could you not have been a little stronger?  
Steve stared at you as tears kept falling and eventually he reached a hand up to your face and wiped them away for you. His stare was intense and your heart skipped a beat. Why was he like this? Why could he not just push you away. Tell you that this was awkward and walk away. Leave you alone, so you could cry and feel sorry for yourself, before you’d pick up the pieces of your heart. Why did he have to be kind? That made it all so much harder to take in the end, when he would turn you down. 

“I love you” his voice was strong, unwavering as his hand caressed your cheek. Surprised you stared back at him, did you just hear him correctly? 

“You really don’t see it, do you?” He continued with a chuckle. You just shook your head confused.

“You’re my best friend. You make everything better.” He began to explain, the hand that held yours, gripping tightly. “You’re funny, beautiful, kind and so very smart. I just wish you could see that” though his words sounded genuine, it was hard to believe him. You never had been very good at accepting compliments, let alone a string of them. A deep blush covered your cheeks and you turned your face away, trying to take it all in. He said he loved you. 

Suddenly Steve moved closer to you, using the hand on your cheek to make you look at him. Hesitantly you looked up, wondering what his expression would tell you. For a moment you expected pity or sadness over a lost friendship. Instead you found him smiling, his eyes full of love. The fingers he had placed on your chin moved to caress your cheek, his thumb brushing your lips. 

“We really should have been honest sooner” Steve muttered, earning himself a confused look. What was he talking about now? 

“I remember that night you picked me up. Everything I did, said. I remember” he chuckled a little as his cheeks turned bright red, “I thought you were ignoring it because you didn’t like me back” 

Tears still fell from your eyes, though not as fast as they had before. You were so overwhelmed and a little confused. You really hadn’t seen it? At least you knew, you were good at hiding your feelings, though it turned out not to be a good thing. Why could you not have been more honest with one another? Why did you just assume he had not meant it? That he could never like you back? 

“You were drunk. I didn’t dare to think you meant any of it”. You finally offered, “I’ve been so scared of losing you”. 

“Never” he said, laughter clear in his voice. You stared at his happy face, a smile lighting up your own as you realised that you hadn’t lost him. Not at all. And as he leaned forward to kiss you, you knew just what you had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love this story had received and for the patience I got while I've been struggling with my health.  
> This was my first story that didn't have much angst in it and I have to say I liked it. So be on the look out for more. Although angst will never been far behind with me. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this!


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